Yikes. Apparently us humanoids are able to die in our sleep from spooky dreams. At least, according to Chinese officials from Jiujiang who claimed recently that electrical cable thief Li Wenyan died from a dreadful nightmare whilst in custody. The odd bruises on his face were of course in no way related to the healthy 50-year old’s death.

Yesterday SCMP reported that this is now the fifth public case linked to custodial abuse in the last two months. The real number is of course likely to be much higher, but we can’t deny that the explanations by Chinese officials for the deaths of some of these inmates are quite creative. Li Qiaoming from Yunnan for example, allegedly died from a game of ‘hide and seek’ approximately two months ago, although later evidence actually pointed to a game of ‘beat to death.’

Of course China isn’t exactly no. 1 in human rights, but luckily the Public Security Ministry has declared that mainland police officers will be ‘educated, assessed and urged to eliminate abuse of authority and abuse by inmates.’ In the meantime, we can only guess what’s gonna be next. Perhaps man swallowing toilets (read: holes in the ground) or grains of rice on a mission to choke.

The latter cause of death is to be taken seriously by the way, just ask the Japanese.