Sorry guys, this one’s for the ladies. A friend of mine frequented a spa in Sanya and after an hour of sheer relaxation, she was offered the ultimate top up for a mere 100 RMB. Finally!!! For once, women can join in the sordid sex trade without being the solicitors. For the longest time I had the misconception that Chinese men didn’t go down on women.. until I saw the pictures of Edison Chen plunging his tongue deep into scary hairy pussy whilst winking into the camera.

Even if you would never consider engaging in such an act, isn’t it nice to have the option? A little secretive slummin’ perhaps? Contrary to popular belief, there are many women who have physical needs and wouldn’t mind doing without the emotional drama that so often comes with supposed “NSA” situations. And consider, you get a little massage and just lie back and enjoy a quick fix. The ending becomes truly happy when you realize that, not only will this be a genuine NSA situation, but you will definitely never see the guy again (which is actually quite difficult in HK) AND you don’t even have to reciprocate. Some women would consider this Utopia. Ok, ok, I do feel the need to point out some obvious concerns:

1. Can I turn off the lights so I can imagine that he’s not Chinese?
2. Will he make the same slurping and sucking sounds that he does when he eats his noodles?
3. Have Asian men, in fact, developed a talent in tongue flicking to make up for their stereotypical lack of endowment?
4. Should I be wary of clitoral snags from his mangled teeth?

Alright so it’s not the perfect Happy Ending, but it’s a start!