Say whaaat? Yup, he does. Now that hordes of innocent kids are about to engage in otherwise moronic activities such as egg hunting in living rooms, it’s rather ironic to note that the Easter festival has more to do with prostitution than with Jesus’ supposed resurrection.

The word ‘Easter’ is derived from the name of an ancient pre-Christian Mesopotamian/Babylonian goddess named ‘Ishtar’, whose areas of expertise included fertility, war and sex (now THAT’s a damn deity). It gets even better though: apparently her cult consisted of a bunch of raging whores, explaining the subtle references to reproduction (bunnies) and fertility (eggs). Hence, it’s not really surprising that the most important Christian religious festival isn’t mentioned in the original Greek text of the New Testament. So if Jesus’ return was so important, why didn’t he teach his apostles and followers to celebrate it?

One explanation is that it’s very likely that he never really intended to start another religion. In fact, cheeky Paul (who never met Jesus) is regarded largely responsible for the creation of Christianity as we know it. And since ‘holy’ scripture is rather specific about pre-Christian habits, Jesus is seriously pissed with you celebrating a Pagan festival named after the goddess of harlotry. Which is exactly why many retarded devoted Christians are strongly opposed to it.

Oh well. Isn’t it comforting to know that finding yourself an Easter bunny in Wan Chai this weekend is totally cool with another divinity? We certainly think so.