Boost the economy while spying on your partner
Say goodbye to the archaic methods of spousal spying! No more surreptitious checking of his text messages while he’s dropping off the Cosby’s kids at the pool. No more dubious hacking into his email account. This is all too stressful and there’s really no need to exert the effort, at least not in Hong Kong. As suggested in a recent forum, you can actually pay the doorman of your partner’s building a nominal monthly fee (and by nominal I mean a couple hundred bucks a month) to have him “spy” for you….you know, keep tabs on who’s coming and going. It’s a great substitute, or add-on depending how over-zealous you are, to the stalking you’re already doing. Besides, it alleviates the pressures of doing the stalking yourself, unless you like dressing up in black, hiding behind trees, and moving with the stealth of a ninja (I know I do). It also saves you the hassle of setting up secret cameras in your partner’s flat (sidenote: they sell excellent mini-cams that are frighteningly inconspicuous for a decent price at the night market in Yau Ma Tei, and a short walk away you can find an excellent selection of dildos and whips – all up for bartering…..you’re welcome).
Getting the doorman to do your dirty work not only saves time and effort, you’ll also be boosting the economy, which in these trying times, is quite noble of you. But just be careful of how you handle the information you may receive. You may find that your partner is the pinnacle of fidelity and then feel like a complete asshole for thinking otherwise (and rightly so). However, if you find out that you’re partner’s been frivolously philandering, you couldn’t possibly come clean about paying off the door guy because the ’strong’ bond of trust that the two of you have worked so hard to build will undoubtedly be broken. Then, you’ll be put in the wrong for spying on his cheating ass and you’ll lose the upper-hand that you paid so much to get. Or worse yet, the doorman could turn out to be an opportunist and strike a deal with your partner who is now paying him off to tell you that nothing’s going on. But this is all simply speculation. I say if you want to stay in a delusional happy, satisfactory relationship with your partner, ignorance is bliss. But aren’t we all just a little curious about what happens when we’re not around? I’m off, I have to go speak to a few doormen.
