As swine flu numbers continue to rapidly rise, health authorities are buckling down. Health declaration forms will be carefully inspected and if someone innocently fails to note flu-like symptoms on the form, and are later discovered to have the H1N1 virus, they are subject to imprisonment. Maybe.

This may be Hongkers staying true to form in being freakishly paranoid about all things flu, OR perhaps the government just wants to imprison H1N1 victims as some sort of sick social experiment (no pun intended) and unleash the virus on captured members of the Falun Gong movement. Alright, that may be a tad far-fetched; we’re only kind of in China. However, The Standard yesterday reported that health authorities want to take action against someone who failed to mention a sore throat on their health declaration form. I think instead of prosecution, they should give that lying bastard some ‘new and improved’ Tamiflu. Just kidding of course.

Secretary for Food and Health York Chow Yat-ngok urged us all to be self-disciplined when filling out the forms. Ya, I definitely want to notify the authorities that I have a tickle in my throat so that they can detain me for hours of testing after my 12 hour flight. Sounds like jolly good fun! Although….if there’s an anal probe involved in the testing and we can keep it as a parting gift, people may be provoked to be more honest (at least the more perverted/gay). On the other hand, such kinky measures may not be necessary as York Chow Yat-ngok assures us that “…people do not normally try to hide their symptoms…” – riiiiiight.

In all seriousness, H1N1 could potentially be the next SARS and the HK government really is doing a stellar job at keeping it under control. We should wear masks at the first hint of a cough, and we should be honest when filling out our health declaration forms, despite the lack of anal toy hand-outs. If we all work together we can fight this! Do it not only for yourself, but for the children whose innocent lives are filled with ho….. wait a minute, they’re the little shits who may just have caused an epidemic in Hong Kong!