Tomorrow it’s July 1st, our last public holiday until October. Or, if you are concerned for titles: ‘Hong Kong Special Administrative Region Establishment Day’. To celebrate our fantastic city, why not pay homage to where we have been, are, and where we are headed. But instead of writing about it, our nerdy and hence only single team member, Milfo, invented and used a time machine to take snapshots of good ol’ Hongkers when a larger % of the population actually spoke Engrish, and of our city post 2047. Click on the ‘Continue Reading’ link below for an impression of Milfo’s journey through the ages. Oh, and enjoy that useless Wednesday off. (more…)

Hong Kong is known to have a sexually repressed society with a general aversion to all things arousing. Yet there are plenty of times you’d be confronted with smoking hot women in skimpy outfits, whether you like it or not (oh and if you don’t, you might want to go here instead of reading this blog).

For example, as I take the MTR quite frequently, I’m always grateful for the weight loss ads, you know, the ones where you can lose weight and grow massive cans simultaneously? The outfits are always erotically entertaining and sometimes spur a thought train of what people find sexy, only to realize that I’m uncontrollably gawking and it doesn’t matter how ridiculous the “clothes” are. If you don’t agree, just notice how many men break their stride as they walk past them.

Since we’re going down this road, have you ever taken a look at a local newspaper? There’s a plethora of provocative ads spread throughout the news. And just as I think HK may be breaking through the sexual repression archetype, I read about a ridiculous case a couple years back where someone was not allowed to have the license plate “Zestra” (an American-made, female arousal fluid). I mean, come on…..you can buy a vibrating cock ring in 7-Eleven, but you’re not allowed to sport a plate that may or may not be linked to lube? The repression may stem from a lack of sex education in the school system. God forbid you teach children about sex, love and the dangers involved.

I deduce that this constant battle between sexual repression and liberation may be the reason why Hong Kongers seem to be trapped in a salacious innocence. The man-boys in HK want to make like Italians and give it to them raw, but instead they mistake passion for a room filled with teddy bears and raw for unshaven balls. And the women, well, they should be less concerned with these quirky hand gestures and go for the real thing (NSFW) for a change. And hey, if it’s part of a compensated dating deal, make sure to at least charge more than HKD 200..

The thousands of Chinese soup variations available proved inadequate for a couple in Sichuan when their daughter’s psychiatric problems became too much to bear. It’s reported that the mother, Lin Zongxiu, was told that soup made with a man’s head could help cure her 25 year old girl’s craziness. So obviously there was only one solution: ask for someone to knock out a drunk 76-year old sucker and behead him. The couple then gave their daughter soup made from the man’s head, and duck.

A court sentenced the murderer to death with a two-year reprieve two days ago. And Lin? Credited for her exciting culinary explorations, a suspended one-year jail sentence appeared to be in order.

In the category ‘ironic’ today, we’d like to report about a serious freak accident that took place in the US last weekend. An unhelmed Harley Davidson biker named Brian Rogers is now dead because it got hit by a deer. Got hit? Indeed. Apparently, the deer was struck by a Toyota Prius only moments before and was thus launched in the direction of the rugged motorcyclist. Rogers was then catapulted into a 2001 Ford Explorer, killing him instantly. Rogers’ bike, meanwhile, crossed the center lane and continued to roll south until it was struck by a woman driving a Dodge Stratus.

The driver of the Prius was taken to a hospital for minor cuts on his arms and hands. And the deer? It strolled back into the forest, high fiving Al Gore in the process.

After reading a post by the Standard about the “forgotten father’s day“, which was yesterday, the underlying theme was that “Fathers didn’t have the same role in raising children, so people pay less attention to the day.”

Much to every woman who reads this blog’s dismay- Thats some utter bullshit.  The women have the public face for the kids, and act as PR Rep for the dads-at-work, because our work requires us to spend long hours so that your manicure and shopping can take place at the best of locations. We work with whining brats in suit and tie all day- so we sometimes don’t like to come home and get yelled at by whining brats, pooped on, etc.

The one day a year that signifies a “dad” for doing his job in spending the hundreds of thousands of dollars to get you where you are today (which is alive), is just shrugged?  Gau cho ahhh.

Come onnn. We hope you at least bought the man a beer.

p.s. Count the number of gender stereotypes and win a fabulous handshake

Requirements:
* A degree in Hotel Management, Public Relations, Marketing, Communications or related discipline
* At least 5 years’ relevant experience in a management position in luxury hotel or similar environment
* Creative, outgoing and presentable
* Sound experience in marketing and communications
* Excellent interpersonal and presentation skills
* Excellent command of English, knowledge of Chinese will be an asset
* Extremely conservative attitude towards anything internet or social media related

Fine.. we made that last one up. Think you got what it takes though? Then hurry and apply now.

OMGWTFBBQ?! Oh yes, dear reader. It’s rumored that Megan Fox at one time in her life (0-16 years) was a man/boy. But before lashing out at your willy for betraying you on those lonely nights, think about the following:

1. She was always very laid back, being one of the boys
2. She’s tattooed like a trucker (vote for your favorite one here)
3. She would be able to kick your ass without smudging her mascara

Does the above strike you as familiar? That’s because it’s a description of you, or perhaps more accurately, the wanna be you. It’s probably time to go to church now and repent yourself. As an alternative however, we suggest you go pray to -insert your god(s) here- on your bare knees, thanking him/her for creating Mitchell Megan and for creating the skilled surgeons responsible for this exquisite piece of work.

As you can see, we’re not too demanding. If it has a va jay jay, it’s a woman. Extra kudos are awarded for wrestling, raising Rottweilers and playing with robots. Megan will thus always be our dreamgirl. Even our own little Kitty wouldn’t mind using some of those Wanta goodies on her.