Please allow us to present to you a Hong Kong commercial favorite. As you well know, the weight loss ads in print and on television are not exactly the most tactful, and that’s why we love them. Please allow me to give you a Dark Side rendition of this particular ad:

“Are you feeling moderately hefty or just plain heifer? Occasionally when MTR doors open and release the hounds, a strange phenomenon called “The Running of the Chunks“ (definition #3) occurs. The MTR Corporation has been receiving numerous complaints of injuries, trampling of children being the most common. As a result, we are starting up a new program titled “Calling All Fatties“ which entails handing out HK$ 1,000 coupons for the Perfect Shape Weight Loss Clinic! Call now and trample one last time to receive your redeemable coupon and begin your journey of weight loss, ultimately saving children all over Hong Kong. In just seconds, the fat will melt right off to reveal the body of a 12 year old girl, harmoniously matching body and brain. You’ll no longer be fat, you’ll be prepubescent!”

Ok, perhaps the Chinese translation is a bit off, but we like to think it’s pretty close. Run chunks, run!