Do you find yourself constantly searching around seats and floors in taxis in the hopes of finding a free cellphone or stuffed wallet? Yeah, bet you do. In Hong Kong terms, finding a phone or wallet is second in ‘awesomeness’ to winning the lottery.  Each find is worth at least HK$ 1,000 and you may hit the mother-load with occasion. Turn this story around to become the fool unlucky one to lose your precious pieces:

1. Cab door closes, you turn around to see your phone in the seat.
2. Driver notices you forgot something and speeds away.
3. Phone is off 1 minute later.

What would you do? Well, bend over, grab your ankles and get ready for a fun ride. The current radio broadcasting service for lost items is a great system developed to help people find their lost goods. Head here to find out how. Back so soon? Yeah, thought so. If you don’t read Chinese characters, you aren’t getting anywhere on that site. OK, let’s give you a hinter. Call this number: 187-2920.

Yes, you heard right. It’s going to cost you a minimum of HKD 350 for them to ‘activate their search.’ To translate their search for you, it goes something like this:

Operator: Looking for a lost BlackBerry in cab from Wan Chai to Mid Levels.
Cabbie: Got it here. What’s street value?
Operator: Give me 40% and I tell ‘em no response.
Cabbie: Deal.

Presto- your valuable is gone like G.W. Bush from media attention. Now that you lost your HK$ 3,000 BlackBerry and HK$ 350 for some person to locate your phone and earn a commission of its illegitimate sale, it’s time to call the police.

Actual transcript:

PP: “Hi, I want to report a lost phone please.”
Officer: “Ah sewl phone?”
PP: “Yes, BlackBerry Bold, picture of Chrissie Chau on the screen, black with a bunch of buttons.”
Officer: “Ahh sawwy, vewwy vewwy low chance of find ahh.”
PP: “So you won’t even write a report to try and find it? To make me feel better about paying taxes to fund your ‘operation’?”
Officer: “We nevuhh find phones. So many black mahket, cannot do.”
PP: “Can you direct me to a market I may find my phone at?”
Officer: Wahh no. Bye byeee.

Youtube video on repeat for 30 minutes after being hung up on by the police.

Then next path lead to the phone store, where a happy face and deceitful smile awaited. Lost phone? No problem- here’s an invoice of HKD 3,000 for a replacement phone and your simcard will arrive in three days.

At that point string and cups were looking much more appealing. Try reselling that.