How much do we pay a curriculum officer working in the Curriculum Development Institute of Education Bureau? According to a recent government job ad, we’re talking about 50K+ per month. What good works have these people done recently? A retarded professional psychological test promoting Chinese patriotism. Although I doubt there are many Chinese readers here, there’s no harm for all of us to try the test! Let’s pretend that it’s about your home country. Ok, here goes:

1. What’s the major difference between yourself and foreigners?
A. Difference in identity and status.
B. Difference in physical build and appearance.
C. Difference in culture and language.

2. If you are mistaken for Japanese, how would you feel?
A. A bit flattered.
B. No special feeling.
C. Feel upset.

3. If you’re to introduce something with the most Chinese characteristic to a foreigner visiting Hong Kong, what would you suggest?
A. Tell him/her that you don’t know what Chinese characteristic is.
B. Recommend the night view of Hong Kong.
C. Suggest him/her to drink tea in a Chinese restaurant.

Ok students… finished? Then let’s check the results. You get 5 points for every option A, 3 points for option B, and 1 point for option C. If you score 9 points or above, you may admire foreign culture and do not understand Chinese culture well. You have less than adequate tendency to self-identify as a Chinese national. You need to learn and reflect more.

If you score 6-8 points, you have a shallow knowledge of Chinese culture and little tendency to self-identify as a Chinese national. You need to work harder.

If you score less than 5 points (what if I score 5 points you morons in the Bureau?!), you have a positive attitude and a certain degree of understanding towards Chinese culture and Chinese national identity. A good starting point to work harder.

This test is under the curriculum of Moral and Civic Education for junior secondary school students. So what if you failed it? No problem la, they have another curriculum for you to “learn and reflect more.” You could get demoted to this junior primary school curriculum called I learned how to sing the national anthem. You will be trained (with repeated practice) to stand up mechanically solemnly to the playing of the national anthem. Kids like you are also required to “say their national identity loudly” in front of the class.

It’s a good thing to love your country. That suits the taste of Hong Kong, as I told you that love is all around here. But I really don’t know how patriotism could be taught. When I was in school it was still British Hong Kong and they naturally didn’t train us to be Chinese. So, people like me would literally be failed in this curriculum and would possibly be taken to Laogai. Maybe Siu Leung Li will have a clue. Either way, it appears cultural studies scholars fancy BS discussion regarding cultural identity.

So what is my result for the test?

Since I still have not been able to make sense of my complicated self, I couldn’t tell the difference between myself and foreigners. Hence, I don’t know the answer to question no. 1. I am always mistaken to be an ass rather than Japanese, so, I don’t know about question no. 2, too. And for something with Chinese characteristic in Hong Kong, my top recommendation for travelers could be found here (NSFW).*

*If you can’t click on the last link because you’re at work, our friends from the Dark Side have provided an excellent explanation here. Their Perv Glossary might come in handy too.

This is Henry’s third guest post for The Dark Side. He is one of the founders of the Libertines Pub and also writes for Global Voices Online.