Cantonese can certainly sound like a cacophonic myriad of crass syllables, slapped together with a certain “ching chong ting” ring to it. As comical or annoying as it may sound to the untrained ear, the message behind this vulgar sound can be vulgar itself. Especially if you’re a gweilo in a Cantonese interaction, chances are the words coming at you aren’t exactly translated as “Why, don’t you look smart today?” It’s likely something more along the lines of “Fuck you, I hope your whole family dies while I fuck your mother in the cunt.”

The Dark Side would like to equip you with a quick Canto-lesson, from foreigner to foreigner, so that you may better understand if the words coming at you are vulgar and if so, be armed to fight back with a few insults yourself that will shock the pants off your friendly neighborhood fruit vendor or cabbie. For all of our Cantonese-speaking readers, keep in mind the phonetic translation is not sound but rather based on what the words sound like to us.

Diu – Fuck (yes, there is actually a Wiki entrance for this word)
Diu Lay Go Hi – Fuck your pussy
Chee Lun See – Fucking crazy
Pok Guy – Fall in the street and die

Note: The above is commonly used in combination with other cuss words and can be used in jest or in anger.

Diu Lay Lo Mo – Fuck your mother

Note: Can be used effectively in combination with the previous to express anger, i.e. “Pok Guy Diu Lay Lo Mo.”

Lay Lie Lun Jo Hi Mei-ah? – Did you lick your pussy yet?
Ong Gow Gow – You’re acting like a retard

Lay Go Yueng Ho Lan Chat (say this to a man)
Lay Go Yeung Ho Lan Hi (say this to a woman)

Translation: Your face looks like a dick/pussy

Chat Lan Mon Mon Sick Tim Tong – You’re so useless, go eat ice cream
Hum Ga Chan – Your whole family should die

And since we all know that learning a new language through song is highly effective, here’s a little diddy to help expediate the learning process:

Perhaps you can already catch a few phrases, if not, we’ve translated the first few stanzas to maximize your listening pleasure. We encourage those working in offices with Hongkees to turn your speakers way up for this one:

“…Slippery and wet like your pussy
You’re sucking a big hard penis
Your pelvic area is sexy so I’ll use my finger to flick your clit even if you’re really dirty
Hung like a horse
Suck in this big dick with your wet and warm cunt
Lick and bite my balls you shameless whore
Come and blow my hairy…”

You probably get the point. Enjoy! Feel free to add more naughty stuff in the comments, we know there is much much more in this beautiful language. All for the sake of education of course..