We are MIA for a few days, but no worries.. TDS will be back, heavier than ever. Happy munching!

SCMP enlightens us today on our activities during last year’s financial meltdown. It’s reported that our Immigration Department has unveiled numbers that show this year we experienced nothing short of a babyboom, as several hundred more babies were delivered in July, August and September compared to a year ago. It is widely believed that the credit crunch put a curb on fun times in Wan Chai and Macau couples’ socializing outdoors, meaning they were forced to actually spend time together. And what do you get when you put a man and woman together in the same place for months? That’s right.

If you are of the old fashioned opinion that family expansion during rough financial times is a bad idea…. you no longer have a place in this world. You see, even Iceland -the country that went bankrupt last year- has recorded a 3.5% jump in births. As Iceland’s financial problems caused a ripple effect throughout Europe and the rest of the world, we will just assume our Scandinavian friends slightly misunderstood the concept of ‘make-up sex’ there.

It’s however a great excuse to go back to the old days. Does life suck? Have some babies as part of your retirement plan. Shame though that on average, Hong Kong is the 3rd most expensive place to raise them in.

One bright star in the star filled skies of Hong Kong (hmm…) is looking to have a kid. Thanks for reading.

Gigi Lai Chi is hitting 38 years old and is looking to start having sons. Of course this is an increasingly difficult task, so Gigi headed to the all-powerful Fung Shui masters. In the past, these masters have been notorious for elderly swindling, rape and lewd conduct, but her guy seems to consult more along the lines of American Pop culture. His recommendation: change your name. Presto.

It’s an age old wisdom that positive association can improve success- like looking in a mirror saying “damn you look good girl” will make you believe you look like Chrissie Chau the rest of the day. So what is Gigi’s new name? It’s Gigi Lai-Ka-Yee, as the latter part sounds like “add a son” in Cantonese or in Chinglish, “Edison.” Just kidding of course. As it takes two to tango, we wonder if our wise Fung Shui master had no recommendations for the other half, a disabled 52-year old millionaire.

There’s no better way to learn than from others fortune and failures, so I will take this gem of advice to heart- I am no longer the author known as Pushcart Prince. From now on I will be known as ”Pushcart Prince Telekinetic Powers.” I have always wanted to be able to lift skirts with my mind have this power, and using the occult to gain occult powers- logical.

If the above doesn’t make you feel all fuzzy and warm inside, we don’t know what does.

Hong Kong has a reputation for being one of the safest cities in the world, and this is backed up by 2006 United Nations International Crime Victim Survey results. The closest we normally get to any sort of conflict is honking our horns excessively over a three millisecond traffic delay or giving grannies “the hairy eyeball” as they steal our seats on the Ding Ding. The privilege of living in this pacifist utopia has however left us without any real street smarts - We are the scientific-calculator slinging nerds of the metaphorical school yard that is greater Asia.

With is in mind, the below clip is intended to remind all that when we really need to, we Hong Kongers can throw down with the *cough* best of ‘em. Get a little drunk, kick a little ass and be done in time for a 3am dinner at Tsui Wah:

So it’s an internet-everything-age. We either farm virtually, retweet everything mashable.com tells us or we threaten to sue others for some bullshit that nobody cares about. People from our Big Bro’s side are a bit more innovative; they started venerating their ancestors online some years ago. Of course, our local IT guys are second to none in creativity: they now give us online petitioning.

In a special meeting regarding the facilities of the new Legco building, Samson Tam proposed adding a virtual petition system, where people can launch their petition to the Legco members online. Samson’s long time rival, Charles Mok, immediately pointed out that the Professional Commons (an organization which Charles was one of the founders of) proposed the same idea back in 2008. Knowing that the Internet Tough Guys in Hong Kong love to sue people over trivial important issues, I wonder if Charles would like to file another lawsuit against Samson, just like what he did after losing to Samson in the Legco election (the lawsuit he lost as well by the way).

Now of course, online petitioning is nothing new; it was introduced overseas back in 1999. I’m more concerned about the strategy of LSD in this new platform. You see, the three angry LSD legislators created a whole new sub-culture in local politics: banana politics. Would the online petition platform suit their style?

I hope the IT guys will add a “throw things” function on the platform, so that LSD can do what they do best there. To add more fun, there should be a “dodge” or “parry” function for the officials. This would make the online petition platform fairer to our mavericks at LSD, as I told you earlier that the pro-establishment DAB is exceptionally good at mobilising “supporters.” Our boys from DAB could easily get thousands of people clicking on any ass-kissing petitions they launch via the deployment of cheap snake banquets and tour treats like the ones here, here and here. Not convinced? Then please tell me where to find HK$ 150 half-day tours that include a serpent for dinner.

Then again, having bananas in an online petition is highly unlikely. The people DAB could bribe mobilize are not likely to be that tech-savvy. If our social media gurus could take online petitioning viral, they might actually deserve this self-proclaimed status.

Henry has a weekly guest post on The Dark Side. He is one of the founders of the Libertines Pub and also writes for Global Voices Online.