Shocking results were revealed today in SCMP about the health of our population. Tests on 829 people by Chinese primitives herbalists of the Centre of Integrated Health Management at Kwong Wah Hospital showed that the MAJORITY of our men fall into the category of ‘damp heat,’ meaning we are either too fat or too thin, have oily skin and pimples, develop jaundice more easily (than ‘non-damp’ men we assume) and here comes the kicker: we’re hot-tempered and easily agitated. MOST of our ladies on the other hand fall in the category ‘qi-deficient’, meaning they are thin (congratz?), pale (thanks whitening creams), introverted, timid, drowsy, forgetful and prone to get the flu.

Other categories within Chinese medicine that people were associated with are are ‘balanced,’ ‘idiosyncratic,’ ‘yang-deficient,’ ‘yin-deficient,’ ‘phlegm-damp,’ ‘q-stagnant’ and ‘blood stasis.’ On the basis of the above research, both genders are advised not to eat any spicy food. We’re confused and a little tired of research like this. Which comes in handy considering the Centre’s plans to open an insomnia clinic.