Chinese New Year is approaching, which means many Hong Kongers will make their yearly trip to the Wong Tai Sin or other temples to pray for good luck, money and more money. In addition, our ancestors are about to receive their economic stimulus package through paper stuff that is burned for them, an ancient ritual that also occurs with Qingming Festival in April and Chung Yeung Festival in October.

The practice of burning paper offerings reportedly first appeared around 386 AD at the start of the Wei Dynasty when Chinese people started burning paper money at funerals. It’s also a Buddhist thing, not so much because ancestors would have access to it in the afterlife (because materialistic possessions are totally non-Buddhist of course), but more to alleviate bad karma for those still alive. That this practice isn’t without dangers is illustrated by the fact that for example 60 percent of fires in the woodlands of Lanzhou, capital city of Gansu Province, were caused by burning offerings.

Anyway, as most of you probably know, the pimping industry for dead granny/grandpa has evolved tremendously throughout the ages. Not too long ago, things were fairly simple.. a car, a nice house. But no longer! Oh, and did we mention it’s crazily expensive? Although there are good deals to be found of course, a whole paper gym for a mere NT$ 25k (HK$ 6k) ain’t that bad. You still wanna look good when dead. But there’s plenty of practical stuff too. Hell can be pretty hot, so one of these would come in handy for example. And surely grandpa would appreciate this. Here’s our top ten goods for heaven/hell this season:

1) Football shirt - To some this a matter of life and death.

2) False teeth and toothpaste set - Ever tried eating incense without teeth? There you go.

3) Beer - Nuff said.

4) Mac D’s - Great hangover food, especially after having lots of no.3.

5) Dog - Man’s best friend. And look how cute!

6) ATM - It’s rumored that some establishments in the afterlife don’t accept VISA.

7) Maids - No annoying minimum wage requirements there.

8) Iphone - Who can “live” without a phone nowadays?

9) Designer handbag - Fashion never dies.

10) MASS TRANSIT RAILWAY

Underground if naughty or up in the skies if good, which means no villagers have to relocate! It would make Christina very happy.