About a month ago, the people of Shanxi Province underwent great strife as 153 workers became trapped in mine shafts thousands of feet under the ground. To make things worse, water was gushing in at an alarming rate which surely would have resulted in the demise of those trapped. Although coal mines in China are reported to be one of the most hazardous work places in the world, leaving over 2,000 dead last year alone, the safety guidelines of China’s mines have supposedly improved tenfold over the last three years. But as days went by and efforts to pump out the water continued -despite relentless rainfall- the death of these miners seemed almost certain. Then the heavens parted and threw China a bone.

On the eight day, 115 miners were rescued in what has been tagged a MIRACLE considering the little hope that was there initially. However, as the world didn’t give a shit about China countryfolk because they’re not on American idol rejoiced over China’s good fortune, many are starting to believe the entire rescue was staged. In this CCTV video, many blatant inconsistencies in the recue were reported. For example, inside a coal mine, one would expect there to be a lot of, well, coal and ash. However, as you can see in the video, the rescue workers and “survivors” were virtually spic and span upon exiting the shaft. Furthermore, one would suspect that digging through a mine shaft, searching for survivors, then carrying someone on a gurney would be exhausting, but the rescuers trotted effortlessly whilst slowing down and stopping for the paparazzi to get the money shot. Many people were also suspect of the lack of facial hair on survivors after being trapped in a mine for 8 days, but we’ll give you that one: they are Chinamen after all. Perhaps these allegations are slightly biased for those claiming that the “survivors” and “rescuers” were actually hired actors.

So let’s consider the sheer logistics of surviving underground with no food or…..water? It is possible that some superhuman people may have been able to survive such an accident, but 115 is miraculous indeed. In the CCTV video, the district government representative claimed that the 115 miners who survived were able to do so by drinking the coal water…..yes, TOXIC COAL WATER. This statement clearly brought on doubts that the government may be lying in order to cover up yet another shameful event. Still skeptical? Let’s then consider the methods used to rescue the workers. For days, water was being extracted from the mine shafts with giant pumps alleviating only a few inches of water from the mines between Sunday and Tuesday. This, combined with an on-going rainfall, would certainly make rescuing 100+ coal water-drinking miners a bit tough.

It’s no secret that “saving face” is a common practice here in the Orient, so there’s one final twist which makes the whole idea of this “Miracle Rescue” appear to be more of a hoax. The ex-Prime Minister, Li Peng’s son, Li Xioapeng is the current Vice-Governor of Shanxi and many believe that this kind of blood on his hands would damage his future career. Therefore, the government wanted to change the focus from “disaster” to “miracle”, leaving China on top once more. Too bad the government has yet to release the list of names of those involved in the accident, claiming that this would violate the privacy of the workers’ and their families. Some still have no news from their loved ones who were working in the mine illegally. Wethinks the Shanxi government should have taken a page out of Foxconn’s book and simply paid the worker’s families an extra 20% in compensation. Problem solved, right?