“The consumer isn’t a moron; she is your wife. You insult her intelligence if you assume that a mere slogan and a few vapid adjectives will persuade her to buy anything. She wants all the information you can give her.”

When making this pronouncement, advertising guru David Ogilvy probably hadn’t considered its applicability to spineless public-policy campaigns. But in the wake of Donald Tsang’s 2012 reform proposals, one can’t help but feel that our hapless leader might have benefited from the ad man’s counsel.

To say that Mr. Tsang’s “Act Now” and “Anchor’s Away” mantras fell flat on their face would be like calling Tiger Woods a good golfer – or for that matter, a bad husband. Online efforts were equally disappointing, with the 2012 Facebook page garnering little more than 2,400 supporters at the time of writing this. Protests during his recent appearance at Kornhill Plaza meanwhile took a turn for the worse when dissidents launched a series of personal attacks against the chief. One detractor even went so far as to call him a “scurrying rat.” Ouch!

In light of the backlash, TDS, as a gesture of pity goodwill, has put together this brief collection of great, but mostly not-so-great, Hong Kong slogans to help educate our officials on the importance of honest and informative catchphrases. Enjoy.

“Don’t Eat. Put it on your skin.” – Skinfood, 2010. Comments/advice: Where possible, harken back to an old Bushism.

“A new level of smoothness and manageability” – Rejoice, circa 1997. (Click link for video). Comments: Don’t be afraid to get hands on.

“It really sucks.” – Electrolux, circa 1980. Comments/advice: Okay, maybe honesty isn’t always the best policy.

“I Love Hong Kong! I Love Green.” Environmental Protection Department, 2009. Comments/advice: Concocting slogans while under the influence has its risks.

“First past the post.” – The Standard, 2007. Comments/advice: Take a stab at your main competitor, even when advertising conventions prevent you from doing so.

“Go! Go! China! Go! Go! Hong Kong” – Leisure and Cultural Services Department Olympic Cheering Campaign, 2008. Comments/advice: Never underestimate the power or repetition. Never underest…

“Eat your fingers off” – KFC, circa 1990. Comments/advice: Automated translation sites rock. Use them whenever possible.

“Hong Kong will take your breath away” – Hong Kong Tourism Board, 2003. (Promptly removed after SARS outbreak). Comments/advice: Never shy away from defying conditions on the ground.

“Even the price suits you, sir!” – Raja Fashions, 2004. Comments/advice: Sometimes day is night, sometimes black is white. And sometimes a shitty catchphrase is the cult classic everyone’s been waiting for.

“Taste Hong Kong at old Hong Kong laa” – Old Hong Kong Café, 2010. (Singapore). Comments/advice: Adding “laa” to the end of your slogan helps give it that quaint, local feel – always a plus.

“Go! Go! EAG!” – East Asian Games, 2009. Comments/advice: When in doubt, simply precede the subject of your campaign with “Go! Go!”

“Live it, love it.” – Hong Kong Tourism Board, 2003. (Later stolen by Leeds City Council). Comments/advice: Others may pilfer from you, but take solace in the fact that no matter what, Hong Kong will always be the undisputed capital of cheap knock-offs.