On another typical Tuesday night, 24-year-old Snow finished a long day at work. After taking a shower, she sat down to blow dry her hair. Little did she know that she was playing a dangerous game of Chinese roulette with her chair. KABOOM!
As you can see, it wasn’t the hair dryer or her desk computer than malfunctioned, it was the chair she was sitting on. The pressure build-up from adjusting the chair up and down caused a 200 pound explosion similar to a shotgun. Neighbors thought there was a gas leak. Snow’s brother (who initially thought it was an earthquake) immediately sent her to the hospital where doctors discovered metal from the chair had shot up her ass. After 5 hours of surgery, they pulled out 10+ pieces of metal and plastic chair bits. Snow is no longer in critical condition and she is expected to make a recovery in 3-5 months.
The RMB 140 chair was 2 years old, but Snow bought it from her friend just 7 days ago. Worrying, this isn’t the first time a chair has exploded in the past. Here is a list of recent incidents: (more…)
28-year-old Kwan Ho was recently sentenced to 240 hours of community service for sexually assaulting a 13 year old girl. He pleaded guilty, so how did he get away so easily?
Turns out the 13-year-old girl is a sex addict (no money exchanged!), having already slept with three other men AND keeping a blog of her sexual exploits (this is sexual in the loosest possible way). This blog apparently featured updates such as “I told him I was his, and then he just kept staring at my breasts” and “he asked if he could put his hand in my shirt.” Or “he’s a good size and very huggable. I can taste the lemon flavored gum.” Steamy stuff.
The incident only came to light when the 22-year-old cousin of the “victim” discovered the blog (we’re calling jealous virgin) and told the police. The judge felt that the girl was excessively curious and actively seeking out men. Hence, although she was seriously under-aged (and there’s no way he couldn’t have figured it out), Kwan ultimately caused no harm.
Three questions immediately come to mind:
1) How do horny men find girls like these? Is it a situation that they just fall into?
2) Aren’t local HK men into the whole “overgrown bushy/never heard of a bikini wax” look?
3) Why the hell are so many people addicted to Farmville when sex is so readily available?
“Disgusting.” That’s what English comedian Ricky Gervais called a £1 million offer by a HK bank for a corporate gig. The man behind the legendary Office and Extras tv hits apparently found the 12 hour flight to our city too much to handle and it just wasn’t worth the trip (a 40 minute gig roughly translates to £25,000/minute..) Is the man crazy off his own celebrity status? Or does he simply not give a fuck?
Here’s our advice to the bank that failed to lure him here – hire Tim Oliver, the Ricky Gervais impersonator. Sky Sports and Carlsberg have hired him before for events, how bad could he be? Save some money and increase those bonuses a bit more, what the heck.
Released already in 2006, our twisted Japanese neighbors have come up with a game that’s going viral across the internet only now. The game is called Rapelay and is simple: you act as a Chikan (a perverted man who frequently fondles women) in a crowded subway train station. It’s a free for all after that, rape the girl in the train, the sister in the bathroom, follow her to the park and do her and her mother at the same time or call a bunch of friends together and gang rape them all!
It ends when you rape everyone (or break them – which is when they enjoy the whole experience of the rape rather than feel it as a violation of human freedom). The game is quite short, but there’s a lot or replay value (there’s even a creampie counter – they thought of everything). Rumor has it that you can now download additional content – more girls to rape, toys and positions. Oh, and if you impregnate the girl and decide to keep the baby, you get thrown in front of a train. Curious?
See below perv. Download the full game here at your own risk.
Success is still a long shot for women, as the Standard reported earlier this week. It’s of course great that newspapers (even if it’s just The Standard in this case – it’s free and gave us Kikimushroom for which we are eternally grateful) and internet forums are talking about how things need to change for women across the world, as many still face inequality and oppression and eh.. zzzzz.
The unfortunate matter is that there always seem to be things going against women. Have you clicked on the above link? Try to ignore the French phrase in the first sentence, as it is way too sophisticated for the average Hongkie (including us) and a paper/website like this. But when you scroll down, you’ll notice a ‘Potshot’ on the left hand side (screenshot here). Click on it and you’ll see a picture of people admiring a sculpture of of a giant hairdryer in an open-air exhibition titled “The Magnificent Innovations for Women,” which is taking place as we speak in Budapest, Hungary. But there’s more, for example a giant pantyhose. But best of all is of course THE IRON.
If the same people created an exhibit named “The Magnificent Achievements of Men,” it would probably show at least one giant domesticated woman. Speaking of giant women, this video will surely be appreciated by those fighting for recognition and emancipation since the 8 bit graphics days. And look what we just found on lamebook.com.. terrible!
The acid thrower has struck again, which means all efforts up until now have not been working. Here are a few ideas which may increase the odds of succeeding:
1. New nickname – “The Acid Thrower” is actually a pretty cool nickname. If we all started calling him “Too-Weak-To-Hold-Acid-Bottles-And-Drops-Them-By-Accident-While-On-Roof-Boy” it will be a) non-flattering, deterring him from resuming his identity as TWTHACADTBAWORB and b) well, it’s just annoying to say.
2. Line the streets with cute, adorable animals. As soon as one of them gets hurt, PETA will unleash the wrath of a thousand suns.
3. Create umbrellas and canopies that look like giant eyes. Much like the moth that looks like a giant eye, this could scare the acid-boy away. (Hire JR!)
4.Make money at home. Either acid-boy will fall for it (and stop throwing acid) or everyone else will (and the streets will be empty) – nobody gets hurt.
5. Create giant clingfilm protectors on rooftops. Ever put clingfilm on the toilet seat and wait for the unsuspecting drunk victims?
6. Put different color glitter on the edge of all rooftops. CSI Hong Kong can figure out the rest.
7. Ask our doormen to get off their asses for a change and lock the rooftops they are responsible for. Genius, we know.
8. Sell acid only in limited edition Bathing Ape x Gucci x Angelababy bottles. People will be lining up for days and the collection value will be so high, that nobody is going to throw them away (the re-sell value on eBay is a different type of crime, but it’s still the lesser of two evils).
9. Free high-speed internet for all. This way we can all stay in, be safe and do what the internet was made for: watch porn on it.
10. Equip the jobless 4.9% of this city’s working population with BB guns and have them roam the rooftops in search of the culprit. Winner gets to be a cop and annoy gweilos by raiding Central’s clubs during weekends.
