Given the state of global economics, we’re not commenting on how successful Gekko’s model of greed is – that’s not the point. What we’re trying to say, dear readers, is this: as a city, we are slipping. Every day we hear about how Shanghai is gaining ground in over taking us as the financial hub of Asia, how it’s already the largest cargo port of call, and how their gaining on us in terms of “World City” status… well, f*ck that.

This tiny island was kicking ass for far too long to now have to kow-tow to the mainland – regardless of whatever puppets they put in power. We practically invented greed in this part of the world and now we need to kick it into high gear, Gordon Gekko style. Some of the richest and greediest bastards in all of Asia call this city home. But they need us. TDS thinks we should help them put HK back on the map, baby gloves off, and balls to the walls. Do you want this city to be relegated to tourist attraction status? We’re calling you out Hong Kong, from the hookers of Wanchai to the suits in Central, the next time you make a deal, just ask yourselves: “What would Gordon Gekko do?” And if you need some inspiration, just watch this.

TDS:  ”What do you think of The Standard’s recent article alleging that most homeless people are crazy?”

BumX:  ”Although a personal policy of my mine is to not speak out against the journalistic integrity of free newspapers such as The Standard, because it is free, and quite frankly I need the toilet paper, I find this particular article offensive and would like to offer those at The Standard a firm “fuck off!”

TDS:  ”For the sake of clarity, I’d like to confirm that your stance is that, for the most part, Hong Kong’s homeless are not crazy, that you are of sound mind, and that newspapers like The Standard are often filled with inane articles not worth the paper they are printed on?”

BumX:  ”Correct on all points sir. And I’d like to go on the record to say that just because I am addicted to four types of prescription-only drugs that are readily available at most local convenience stores, I’m just a guy that likes to have a good time. My current housing situation, or lack thereof, is more of a protest against a society largely focused materialism and financial success as an indication of status. Neither my upbringing by an Indonesian witchdoctor and absentee parents nor my high pressured and marginalizing academic experience has anything to do with who I am today. I think I deserve a hotdog.

Well there you have it folks. And yes BumX, you most certainly do deserve a hotdog – hopefully a kind-hearted pedestrian will provide you with one, but don’t count on it.

Some translations:

“It’s you who owe me here, not me owing you. I provided you with food and accommodation but you people will not give. If you don’t repay the debt in this life you will have to repay it in your next life.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t need to shop. So later are you going to say you don’t need to eat? I will lock you out of your hotel rooms as you don’t have enough to stay there.”

“It’s OK to be poor at home, but you can’t act like this when you are outside. In this world there is no such thing as a free lunch.”

“We don’t do this for charity. Let me be responsible for charity. I donated 10,500 yuan for Sichuan earthquake victims.”

“Why did you bother to come to Hong Kong? For a group of 24 people you only just spent HK$13,000. How can you just walk out of the shop like that?”

It wouldn’t hurt to mention that Ah Zhen and her tour company get a share of whatever the fat money bags tourists spend at the pre-designated shops they get taken to – so that may have fueled Ah Zhen’s righteous anger. Heck, otherwise these tours wouldn’t be so damn cheap. And after all, she did contribute to the Sichuan earthquake relief! Yes, sacrifices must be made occasionally to help the needy.

Sino-Japanese relations have always been touch and go to say the least. After the atrocities the Japanese committed during World War II it is easy to see why a young, limber, Japanese student of history (and pornstar) felt guilty. And now she is ready to do something about it! Offering her body in a symbolic gesture of apology, Anri Suzuki is making the Chinese feel better one student at a time (or maybe more..). You can thank us by submitting pics of your encounter and letting Anri know about all the awful things the Japs did in Hong Kong as well. After all, we at TDS are taking a stiff stance on this and strongly believe that Hongkies deserve a piece of this too:

Translation:

Gay nephew: “No seat here!” *refusal to give up his reserved seat*
Middle aged man: “There are no seats at the lower deck! Isn’t that a seat?”
*Idiot reluctantly remove his bag from the available seat*
Gay nephew: “Watch out fat ass! You are forcing me out of my seat!”
Girl filming: “What do you mean by no seat? You bought the seat?”
Gay nephew: “It’s not like you have bought it either! I paid 8 dollar to get on this!”
Girl: “Yeah you paid 8 dollar so you have one seat!”
Gay nephew: “I am a child (children pay half price) , although I m a F.5( Grade 11th) Student!”
Girl: “So what?”
Gay nephew: “That means I get 2 seats by paying 8 dollars! So simple!”
Girl: “You paid more but that doesn’t mean you get to have 2 seats!”
Gay nephew: “Shut up Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!”
Girl: “What more can you scold me except this? Which school are you from? What’s your name? We will file a complaint to your school…”
Gay nephew: “I won’t say where, I have finished my HKCEE, that’s it. Bye bye!” *nice little gay wave*
Girl: “Finished HKCEE so what?”
Gay nephew: “I will be going to Australia later, I don’t care!”
Girl: “I have never seen “F.5 Student” behaving like you!”
Gay nephew: “Yeah, I am! So? Yeah!!”
Girl: “Insane!!”

Update: It appears our overactive netizens have already figured out who the kid is..

Oh by the way, we think your new nipples would look excellent underneath one of these t-shirts…

And so the guys don’t feel left out with today’s theme: bra unhooking competitions! Count on team TDS to keep you posted… 8 bra’s in 21.8 seconds.. psshh.

“Umm…”

If you think asking that question to a nine-year-old is inappropriate then you must not be a member of the Evangelical Lutheran Church, as that’s exactly what they did in one of their latest polls. The survey, which asked over a 1,000 school children their thoughts on prostitution ‘compensated dating’ included questions like: “Do you think it is ok for someone to buy you a meal and then pay you for it?”

“This is a very worrying trend. I had expected the number to be zero, but the figure is around 5 percent” center-in-charge Keswick Chuk Wing-hung said, referring to the percentage of primary schoolchildren who are willing to have a meal with someone for money.

Folks, when the Godfather was nine, he let people punch him in the arm for US$ 0.50. Seriously, what did you think their response would have been? Apparently, Keswick (Keswick? We can’t take a name like that seriously anyway) was troubled by the results of his vigorous research. Well Keswick, it certainly is a sad state of affairs when the Church finds the need to ask children their thoughts on pimpin’-&-ho’in. We wonder what kind of results you would get if you asked them their thoughts on taking sexy or naked pictures with pastors/priests for no compensation at all. Bet you’re keen to find that out as well. Perv.

Oh great leader, your loins bear the greatest of fruits!

Who’s your daddy!?

Yea Democracy is ‘in out hearts,’ if by ‘hearts’ you mean an ecto-plasmic containment unit…

Hey Tommy, how about you work for $20 an hour and let us know how that works out for you?

That’s right Donald, safety first.

But fear not dear readers, we here at TDS are experts in turning lemons into lemonade, so here is a list of five things to do when Mother Nature has forsaken us:

1) Tired of their nagging? Tired of feeding, clothing and housing them? Times are tough, we understand, so take your grandparents for a long walk.
2) Exposure to a 450 + Air pollution index isn’t only detrimental to humans, so now’s the chance to take your girlfriend’s Chihuahuas for a walk as well. Let them run and play in the beautiful yellow haze until they tire themselves out. Then run ‘em some more.
3) Particle inhalation and zero visibility? Sounds like a perfect time to organize Dragon Boat training for all your friends in banking/finance. Fitness first.
4) Connect with your inner capitalist – purchase all the air purifiers at your local Fortress or Broadway and sell them on eBay for twice the price. CAN would approve.
5) And last but not least, go hiking with the in-laws. You’re an outdoorsy person after all!