1. Our local chick claimed that she didn’t like Antonio at all; she just went “oh whatever!” when he approached her and surrendered her phone number and email address. Ladies, learn how to say no to douchebags. It is unlikely you will end up alone and miserable, unless of course you are truly ugly.

2. Even if you’re not interested in doing something productive in the boss’ time, don’t chat online with a guy you don’t like. Play this instead for example. You’re providing ammunition to the defense lawyer in your own future rape case, as it allows this person to “deduce” that you actually like the guy.

3. To the boys: if chatting with a chick for more than a year does not lead to consented intercourse, pick a-n-o-t-h-e-r target. Apparently Antonio tried to take their friendship to another level earlier as well: he tried to kiss and cuddle her in a disco and she fled. What does that tell you, Antonio?
   

4. When you caress her in a taxi and she tells you to stop, that likely means you’re out of luck, no matter what “pick-up artists” might have told you before.
   

5. Never open that door if you have already told the dude to fuck off. The girl went inside of her flat alone and unless he wrecked the door, nothing would have happened. Antonio however used the good ol’ “I really gotta take a piss” trick. Let him pee against your door for all you care.
   

6. And lastly, even if you’re nice enough to open up the door, you can wear clothes. Apparently, the girl in question was only wearing undies and a tank top when she let Antonio in. You’re dealing with primitive male brains, ladies. If you know already the guy is salivating to the thought of sexy time with you, take precautions.
   

But most of all, ladies, if a guy who looks like this comes up to you, just run to begin with.

Update: Antonio was found not guilty unanimously by a jury consisting of four women and three men. With the support of his wife, who still managed to hug and kiss Antonio upon his release after listening to all the details of the consented sex between her husband and a random chick, Antonio found a new life. TDS wishes Antonio the best in his future promiscuous endeavors. Don’t forget the above tips and avoid getting into this kind of shit yourself. Oh and if you wanna be a slut…be a PROPER one!

Henry has a guest post on The Dark Side and is one of the founders of the Libertines Pub.

According to Chinese tradition, the 7^th month of the Chinese Lunar calendar is the month when all hell breaks loose, literally. The gates of underworld are opened so that its residents can come back up. And the 14^th day (15th in the rest of China) of the 7^th month in the lunar calendar, i.e., today, is the day that most of these ghosts have decided to scare the shit out of you. As this is clearly a matter of life and death, we consider it necessary to provide you with ten survival tips:

1. Go straight home after work. No beers in the bar, no karaoke, no nothing. Most importantly, no picking up because you might bring something home like this today.

2. Don’t talk about it. No mentioning of the word “ghost.” You can’t even think about it. But why are you going straight home after work? There you go already!

3. Burn some paper offerings. Pour some rice wine on the ground. Throw in some rice as well. Enjoy this, as it’s probably the only month in the year when you can litter legally.

4. Do not touch anything that’s burning on the streets. And even if you’re really thirsty, don’t drink the rice wine. These ghosts have been very hot in hell for a whole damn year and could use a drink much more than you.

5. No, this is not Halloween. Not yet. Keep your stupid or slutty costumes at home.

6. According to Apple Daily, if you really need to go out at night and climb stairs in the process, avoid walking close to the walls. It is believed ghosts stick to walls when they walk/fly. Don’t ask why.

7. Preggos should stay at home at all costs. Ghosts like to possess foetus.

8. Don’t swim in the sea at night. The chances of drowning are much higher because there are ghosts in the water who will try to drag you down. No, it’s not about the lower visibility and stronger waves at night; it’s about ghosts. Scientific.

9. Fung Shui quack master Mak Ling Ling advised wearing yellow and white colored clothing. Absolutely no red and black; ghosts dig these colors and will find you as quickly as a Hongkie teenage boy would ejaculate after seeing a Chrissie Chau photo.

10. Ling Ling also mentioned that the likelihood of traffic accidents is much higher this month. Also avoid travelling on airplanes.

In other words: stay in, wear nothing but white undies and avoid banging the missus just in case. Good luck! And may our friends Tiffany Lam and Zoe Li from CNNGo be scared shitless today for copying yet another fine piece of our work.

Henry has a guest post on The Dark Side and is one of the founders of the Libertines Pub.

Exactly.

Lau, the “King of New Territories” and the Chairman of Heung Yee Kuk since 1980, said a lot of indigenous inhabitants in NT are now very angry about the conservationism hype in Hong Kong. Now some of you might be puzzled; aren’t those inhabitants nature lovers like Na’vi who would fight to protect their homes? For historical reasons, the Brits granted those living in the New Territories before they started ruling Hong Kong in 1898 certain special rights. Male indigenous inhabitants of NT upon reaching their 18th birthday can apply for building a small house with limited scale without paying any rates. They basically own the lands and will pay very minimal rents for the lands. Whenever they’re required to move their villages, the government will need to compensate them.

These NT villagers’ complaints are that whenever the conservationists have their eyes on the area around their lands, they immediately get barred from development. Not only could they not build their small houses, they cannot sell the rights of those lands out for some big cash. Lau told us that in early 1990’, the villagers had planned to burn all the villages down over night as a protest and a way to destroy all natural things that were worth conserving. Luckily, the government set up a team to negotiate with those civilised villagers and stopped the operation. Lau indicated that he didn’t know what would happen if the conservationists carried on pissing them off…

We can tell by Lau’s comments that the villagers in NT are not barbaric and pathetic as some of you might have thought. They are actually a strong, united and intelligent collective power knowing how to negotiate in a civilised manner. So next time when you come across an NT villager, show a little respect, or else they’ll go and burn their home down as revenge.

On second thought, maybe the damages done by burning down the villages are not permanent enough. As we all know NT is the major hub of illegal petrol trading, we have an operation proposal specifically for Sai Wan: pour all the illegal petrol you villagers possess into Sai Wan. We learned from the BP incident that that damage will be permanent.

Henry has a guest post on The Dark Side and is one of the founders of the Libertines Pub.

Our city is of course well known for the social phenomenon of parents slaving working long hours in exchange for a paycheck that in turn allows them to enslave employ a Filipino/Indonesian maid at home. Little time is spent with the kids, which causes a lot of parents to give in to their every demand out of guilt. The kids in addition instruct their maid(s) to perform even the most basic of tasks for them as well. The result of all this? A bunch of retards.

Take the following case for example. A 12-year old boy who doesn’t have a clue how to tie his shoelaces. He also doesn’t know how to properly wash his hair and wipe his ass after a dump. The article also discusses a 17-year old whose mummy isn’t able to assist any longer with his assignments, for which of course there is only one remedy: beating her up on a regular basis. The past few years such stories have unfortunately become very common.

Some of you may be offended by the use of the word “retard” to describe our troubled offspring. A recently published book called “Hong-child” lists the 10 attributes of the typical case:

• Mature in looks but very naive
  
• No interests
  
• Largely numb to external developments/happenings
  
• Unable to read and understand basic stuff
  
• Seeks attention, but afraid of facing crowds
• Typical answer to any question: “I don’t know.”
• No sense of responsibility; cannot take care of oneself
• Doesn’t want to grow up, not afraid of boredom, but definitely scared of anything that requires effort
• Cares only about the outcomes, never the process
  
• Basically good at heart, but no understanding of hardship to reach one’s goals

Now read about the symptoms and signs of mental retardation. We rest our case.

Henry has a guest post on The Dark Side and is one of the founders of the Libertines Pub.

Angelababy

Janice Man

Our beloved Chrissie Chau

Joey Yung

Kathy Chow

Last but not least

The Advisory Panel of TDC, consisting of 13 members from education, culture and media sectors, was of the opinion that these teen models have hijacked last year’s book fair and that that should never happen again. Members of the Panel however admitted that none of them had ever seen any of the photo books and that they made their judgment solely based on the reports by our trustworthy local media. Chrissie is of course grateful:

“To be frank, I want to thank the TDC. The ban has ensured publicity I could not buy, and the book is not even published yet.”

That means now our book fair is left only with these events. Yawn.

Interestingly, Anthony Wong Chau-sang, the Hong Kong Film Award-winning Hong Kong actor, felt obliged to comment on this incident by calling Chrissie Chau a whore. Anthony stated that if Chrissie is not happy with the judgment by the TDC, she could appeal to Zi Teng, a local NGO that fights for the rights of sex workers. Anthony also accused Chrissie for being uneducated, which must have resulted in her thinking that her books belong at a “high culture” book fair like this one. When asked if he took things a little too far here, our film star replied that Chrissie cares little about etiquette herself and hence, his comments are totally justified.

Very educated Anthony, equaling cleavage with prostitution. Oh, and speaking of manners, Anthony is reputed to be one of thee nicest stars around, see for yourself here. Most of our readers of course care very little about the book fair and the BS of Anthony Wong, so let’s get to the essence of this post: the pics of Chrissie’s latest photo book. Happy “reading”.

Donald then went to a staged event in an obscure public estate mall and got greeted by an enthusiastic crowd for a change (1:50). We don’t know exactly how they managed to get that crowd there to wait for our CE instead of queuing up for dim sum on a Sunday, but we could see how Bowtie went frenzy at 2:11 and told us that the majority of Hongkies support the government’s proposal.

One interesting thing we noticed however, is that the asswhip minister responsible for the proposal package, Stephen Lam, had a much easier ride on Sunday than his boss (6:05). Stephen was in an air-conditioned department store, handing out leaflets to children who are too young and ignorant to know how to give him the finger. Donald, what about feeding Stephen Lam to the LSD mob next time?

As for the views of the HK people, well, Donald might be partly right. According to the latest survey figures by HKU POP, 46% of Hongkies think that the LegCo should pass the proposal, while 37% of us think they should veto it. Of course, only the government has the nerve to call 46% a majority; nevertheless, it seems that we have close to half of the HK population prepared to say yes to the reform package of no reform. No matter how hard the pan-dems are trying to shove it, they only got 570,000 of us to came out to vote in their “referendum” on May 16. That is “democracy” baby.

Hold on! Does it really matter how us Hongkies feel about this? While Donald has been busy trying to appeal to us with his daft shows, the pan-dems have decided to veto the package anyway. Well, thanks for wasting all this tax money on us then. Maybe a better strategy for the government would be to splash out millions of bucks on the 23 pan-dem legislators instead. At least that would put a smirk on their faces.

The enquiry went on to explore whether Limbu was lawfully killed, the main evidence being the only available video footage of the incident. I understand that Hui has the right to protect himself, and obviously the judge felt the same way by giving Hui the benefit of the doubt. For this we can accept the verdict. However, the court provided no recommendation or action to prevent a similar incident from happening in the future. What should be the proper protocol? What happens if the police are unable to communicate with the piss drunk people who wander around Wanchai every night? A common consequence of getting rat-assed is the loss of the ability to speak in a way that others would understand. Can you then be lawfully killed by the cops if they deem you dangerous?

The police described the incident as being ‘unfortunate’ and claimed that they ‘always attach great importance to their relationship with non-Chinese communities.’  We bet they do. It would be nice though if they didn’t have to shoot minorities IN THE HEAD when they cause a bit of trouble.

Henry has a guest post on The Dark Side and is one of the founders of the Libertines Pub.

Everybody rushed to interpret the result in the way they desired. Donald said it showed that shitizens of HK don’t prefer an aggressive and brutal approach on electoral reform. It’s not difficult to tell HK is not gonna have universal suffrage anytime soon when your CE thinks that a by-election is aggressive and brutal. Raymond Wong Yuk Man, the ex-chair of LSD, and his ally Albert Chan Wai Yip, blamed the Democratic Party for not supporting their initiative. Wong also thinks success or failure is not important now, as the objective of their act has been achieved. Long Hair is a little smarter this time; he claimed that more than 570,000 Hongkies are asking for universal suffrage for LegCo and CE elections in 2012.

So have the LSD-Civic Party alliance and T12 failed? Having almost 580,000 peepz to actually come out and vote is not a small deal for sure. Thanks to Bowtie’s announcement late last Friday that he was not gonna vote, I think many of us who hate Donald decided to give him a finger by casting theirs. But the views of the “silent majority”, the 2.8M electors who didn’t cast their ballots, remain a mystery. Neither the government nor the pan-dems have any claim on their views. They’re just, well, silent.

An interesting bit of the by-election results is that our T12 babe, Chow Ching Crystal, topped the unelected candidates by taking 17,260 votes in NT East. Most of her T12 mates got less than 7,000 votes, and one even got less than 3,000. Considering all of them fought for the same cause, this appears slightly odd. Either 17,260 people in NT East hate Long Hair enough to want to vote him out of LegCo, or Crystal’s looks helped a little here. Hmm.. we wonder. Unfortunately she appears to be taken. Yep, by a nerd.

Henry has a guest post on The Dark Side and is one of the founders of the Libertines Pub.