Now that we’re reading about Iran planning on escorting new flotillas, Turkish prime Islamist minister Erdogan threatening to be on the next one and Reuters employees conveniently cropping photos to exclude Turkish knives and wounded Israeli soldiers, we figured it’s time to speak out as we’re growing rather tired of the endless stream of criticism and propaganda from Turkey, the Arab world, Iran, Europe and left-wing politicians the world over. Israel rightfully deserves to be blamed for a lot, but in case of this *cough* peaceful flotilla we would have actually applauded the North Korean approach. (more…)

In the category “utterly fucked up’, let’s hope it’s a hoax” we bring you the following. A 59-year old Chinese man in Sichuan has reportedly died after an eel was inserted into his rectum. The animal gnawed away at his bowels, causing agonising injuries that were eventually fatal.

Doctors were mystified by the abdominal pain, dehydration and anal bleeding. Upon cutting open his innards, they discovered a 50 cm long Asian swamp eel lodged in his rectum. Though dead, the eel had apparently already wrought havoc on his innards, biting its way through his intestines prior to dying. Internal bleeding and infection rapidly set in. Lingering for 10 days in intensive care, he eventually died from the injuries and sepsis.

Now here comes the kicker: Even though this fella reportedly ate a lot of eel prior to being hospitalized, this could not have resulted in such agony. The likely cause was eventually established – passing out after too much booze, his drinking buddies had decided it would be amusing to insert a live eel into this poor man’s ass.

We’re not entirely sure where this story originated, but it appears the Japanese were among the first to report about it. Not entirely unexpected, as they are of course quite familiar with (WARNING: the following link will lead you to the asshole of the internets – no pun intended. Do not click on it unless you have a stomach of steal and you are at home) this subject. Whether true or a hoax by our East Asian neighbors, we wish you a wonderful weekend. Don’t say we didn’t warn you though.

On oceaniclove.com, a website run by sea loving hippies from Hong Kong, we came across a little story about how our beloved city’super sells bluefin tuna. Now this particular species isn’t illegal to sell (yet), but it has secured a prominent spot on the IUCN red list as “critically endangered” and has also been nominated for an Appendix I CITES listing, which would put it in the same trade category as for example gorillas, tigers and rhinos. Booo!

Other supermarkets here don’t sell this yummy sashimi fish and considering citysuper’s corporate profile with the usual statements about “high quality, internationally sourced merchandise which is ethically and environmentally responsible,” we thank Oceanic Love for pointing this one out. Click “Continue Reading” below for supporting images of this grossly unethical behavior. Oh, and before you leave us again, don’t forget to answer our new poll in the sidebar on the right. (more…)

Your uni-days are to be remembered. It’s the time in which most of us make the transition from useless teen to aspiring yuppie. Some may have lost their virginity or perhaps you experimented with huge amounts of alcohol or drugs (or maybe not). Hopefully you ended up making friends for life. But you know what’s also sweet about universities? Working for one! Especially if you’re employed by Polytechnic University.

If you stick around long enough to become a senior staff member, you could end up earning between HK$ 1.8 and 4.8 million a year, which is more than what any other government funded uni in this city pays. But it gets better. Especially if you’re a (former) council member, as PolyU has no issues investing in one of your businesses, whether they make money or not. 38 subsidiaries and affiliates of PolyU have resulted in write offs of HK$ 83.4 million in 2009, and total losses of HK$ 332 million over the past five years. Oh, your business is not related to any of the university’s course material? Who cares.

PolyU Modern TCM, a firm of which the university owned 59.18 % at one point, makes Chinese herbal products. The fact that no courses in Chinese medicine are offered by PolyU is simply irrelevant, as well as the sale of this great venture for HK$ 1.1 million last year (which resulted in write offs of HK$ 25 million). Let’s not bore you with additional details on how a construction firm run by a former council member was awarded with HK$ 700 million in contracts over the past few years, or how HK$ 504 million was lost due to risky bets on stocks and derivatives.

What does this all mean for PolyU’s bottom line? A HK$ 900 million loss over 2009. Mo Man Tai!

In keeping with the French tradition of claiming random bits of South East Asia for themselves, the Parisian company Veolia Transport will take over Hong Kong’s iconic tram system as of next month, after having purchased the first 50% of Hong Kong Tramways last year.

Some of you may recall a sensitive transportation issue in Jerusalem a few years back, when that same Veolia built a rail line across the occupied territories for the settlers, without any stops for the Palestinians in their regions. Hence, given this company’s reputation for excluding locals as much as possible, we have drafted what we think might be an accurate map to come for our beloved Ding Dings:

Old system:

New system:

As we slowly freeze at our desks in our heaterless (yet still plush and upmarket) TDS news room, global warming is starting to seem like a better idea than ever before. Far be it from us to dispute the fact that the world is getting warmer… important, impartial and reputable scientists have shocking graphs to prove it!

The only issue we take is that it’s not happening fast enough. Goddammit it’s cold:

Upping carbon emissions was our first thought, but it seems that increases in temperature historically precede increases in atmospheric carbon, according to New Scientist (although in their defense, they do say we should simply ignore that fact).

What of former vice president Al Gore then? His relentless crusade for personal gain against global warming has resulted in him being arguably the worlds first truly thermo-neutral human being: every metric ton of greenhouse gas he removes from the atmosphere is being replaced by an equal measure of blustering hot air. Could salvation be found in the likes of Beijing politicians, LegCo puppets and Christina Chan? We can only hope.

Hong Kongers, idle your engines, turn up your AC, sell your Prius (oh, wait.. it’s currently under repair) and tear down the eyesore that is Hong Kong’s token wind turbine which -despite its impressive size- can barely keep an iPhone charged. It’s time to get our fair city back to its former hot, sweaty and sticky glory!

UPDATE: HSBC apparently thinks we’re not cold enough yet:

The promotional materials fairy stopped by The Dark Side headquarters yesterday, delivering minutes of sticky fun. Not being the types to hoard cool things for ourselves (although, we were tempted) we have decided to share the love with you, our loyal readers.

If you would like a pack of TDS stickers to be posted to you, just email your (Hong Kong only! Sorry Pål from Norway and Christian from San Fran ) address to info@thedarkside.hk. Stick them on your laptop, your car, your maid or on the back of a colleague’s suit before that big meeting… whatever. Just as long as you DON’T stick them in the toilets of bars and clubs where they will have to compete with the adhesively prolific likes of of startfromzero.org, alivenotdead.com and Hello Cocky.

Guaranteed to bring you good Fung Shui.