Today the ginormous aircraft carrier USS Nimitz arrived in Hong Kong, along with its supporting fleet of ships and 5680+ crew members on it. Now as you probably know, a “lost weekend” in this city can refer to only two things:
1) Getting blackout drunk and ending up in jail/hospital.
2) American Navy displaces your bar stool at any number of shady fine establishments.
Because of the recent arms deal between the U.S. and Taiwan, China got upset and threatened with all kinds of nasty things. Hence, by allowing Wan Chai to be flooded by thousands of horny sailors, it’s easy to conclude the Chinese are pussies who bark but don’t bite. Of course, our strip clubs aren’t complaining. But us Dark Siders expect there’s more than meets the eye. It wouldn’t be the first time our mainland amigos deceive the gullible world with a seemingly friendly gesture. With Obama about to meet the Dalai Lama and the inevitable abuse by Beijing that will follow, letting the USA park here can only be considered a genius PR move. Us Commies are peaceful, you Yanks provoke!
But anyway, back to the Nimitz. Our town is a favorite port-of-call for U.S. Navy sailors. Hence, be warned ladies, single and taken, large and small: lots of American se(a)men are/is going to be all over you the coming few days.
Everyone has hopefully received most of their ‘red packets’ or if you are a whitey, you are still on vacation. For those who are lucky enough to stay in Hong Kong for the festivities, we went out of our way to buy some fireworks that would bring cheer to your hearts.
Now, to describe the amount and power of the fireworks we purchased, we can only speak in riddles numbers. Let’s just say we spent $bigg-lotss HKD on this month’s extra-curricular activity. So enjoy the video. And remember- we are trained professionals, and as such, if we can do this so can you.
We like to bring you humor and mockery, but every now and then Satan rears his ugly head in the form of uncalled-for-violence. We (the older crowd) have been brought up “loving neighbors” and respecting elders when needed. Those before us believed in honor and purpose, duty and reliance. It’s 2010 now and things are different. Society has gotten tougher and more individualistic, not in the last place due to the internet. The latter can be a terrible place and we have no problems admitting contributing to that.
But of course there are limits, especially when it comes to physicial harm. It only comes naturally that acts of violence should happen between the angry teenage boys of our world, but what you are about to see makes you wonder what the hell happened to girls frolicking in the meadows with a basket of flowers.
The video below is NSFW - and contains violence that even our war hardened writers cringed at. Release your stress on a pillow or simply do drugs. But don’t inflict harm on helpless others. WTF:
Getting laid through attentive, courteous behavior can be problematic at times in this city. At least, that’s what we have to assume after reading the third case in just a few weeks involving a very creative local and the usual naive female(s). After the Fung Shui master and the hair therapist, we figured we’d seen the best of it. As happens quite often, we were wrong.
Today SCMP reports about a Hong Kong man, surnamed Shum, who managed to convince unsuspecting women they required ‘health checks’, which would often turn into sexual intercourse. How? By posing as a secret government agent who had discovered these same women were raped and drugged by their fathers. And to find out if daddy was still going at it, regular check ups were required.
As if the punani fiddling and occasional lay wasn’t enough, these women were charged HK$ 400 - 2,500 for each body check as well. It is believed that from 2002 till 2008, Shum made more than HK$ 500,000 by exploiting these boneheaded poor ladies. Our own 007 got busted last year and was jailed for 19 years by a court in Guangzhou this month. Let’s hope he will remember his ‘daddies’ raping him in prison.
If you have lived in Hong Kong for more than one month, you likely have run into pirated software or DVD’s on the hustle and bustle of the streets. Now, if you work or play on computers you have probably been to the computer markets and stores around the city to ‘procure’ some very important software. As we (nerds) know, stocking up a computer with dozens of programs can run a hefty tab, and if you are a creative person - you could look upwards of HKD 20k for a full set of audio, video and graphic programs.
So… Some of us find it an easier option to get the same stuff for HKD 10 a disc. This is indeed illegal. Interestingly, the global weighted piracy rate, defined as units of pirated software divided by total units installed, is a whopping 59.9%. Now of course Hong Kong is China’s little brother, so our fakes are slightly pricier and we may not always have access to brand spankin’ new releases. So how do we fare?
That’s right.. We rank 69th in the world, between piracy ‘legends’ Qatar and Cyprus. What the fuck is wrong with us? Just five years ago anyone could walk right into the most popular of computer centers and find a 40 cm thick book of game and software covers to wet even the most geekiest of nerd’s appetite. And now we share the spot with Saudi Arabia and Estonia??
Ok, so what we are tied with The Kingdom and the… guys next to Latvia. What about China - that incessant monster with no regard for IPR, and the homeland of the fake everything? Surely our motherland will make us proud.
Botswana? China has the same percentage of pirated software installed as a nature preserve? And gets beaten by the Ukraine? DIU.
On a serious note. Piracy is a crime. For those of us who develop software as a living (which we don’t) you are stealing people’s bread and rice. You better stop. Except for backpack DVD guy in Lan Kwai Fong. You sir… are amazing.
We refer to anything off of the Hong Kong Island as “The Dark Side”, people live in cages and disputes are settled with acid. Even a corrupt dictator’s wife lives over there. Our little sanctuary called Hong Kong is a slice of heaven.
Until today. Outside SOGO on our very island’s Causeway Bay there was an acid attack sending four persons to the Hospital, two of which suffer ’severe burns’. This comes as a shock given the relative safety we have so far enjoyed island side.
As the news comes in about what exactly has happened and if the Police are able to find this assailant, we shall continue coverage. For all San Diegons, I’m Ron Burgundy. Keep it Classy.
It’s no surprise that the internet is causing many relationships to go south. With the constant ability to distract yourself, there is the omnipresent ability to procrastinate. Not just work or duty, but also with regard to love and booty. In our beloved Maotherland China, University professor Chen became addicted to his internet vice of…. farming. Something not uncommon to most of us, judging from the popularity of retarded Facebook application Farmville among Hong Kongers. Offended? Go adopt a lost cow and you’ll feel better.
Anyway.. uneventful as Chen’s addiction may seem, the man had set his entire daily routine to his virtual farm. We have all had that great idea that keeps us up at night, but after a few dozen beers it usually goes away. Chen on the other hand literally dreams of his farm and has actually been heard by his wife when speaking about his grape harvesting schedule during sleep. Crazy? Not yet.
Mrs. Chen, wife of the year, turned into a 3-year old and began what she describes as a fired up fight. In typical fashion this meant blocking his access to the computer so he wouldn’t make his intricate farming schedule. Taking away a man’s vice is grounds for punishment in most societies, but in this case the Mr. was the victim. In a rare feat of superwoman strength, Mrs Chen kicked the computer over, grabbed and lit newspapers on fire with intent of major destruction. The result? Freaking the shit out of their young child, also acting like a 3-year old (partially because he is one). The child’s crying made both über parents come to their senses and put out the fire before the house was destroyed. The parent’s give credit to the child for saving the house, seems Jr. Chen was the mature one this time.
The moral? Harvest your crops at the office instead. Something Chen wisely did at 5 am the next morning.
