Residents of HK have for years looked at the backs of scrawny boys and wondered “potentially fit girl or malnourished, scrawny dude?” only to discover a nasty little shock after following them around a couple of blocks. And now there is proof! A popular book in China titled Save the Boys by author Sun Yunxiao argues that boys in China grow up in a predominantly female environment and hence, emulate dudes like these. Luckily this development is counterbalanced by the Chingstah phenomenon. And if that doesn’t work, well, toys like these do wonders in reducing the self-perception of neighbors’ testicle sizes.
Which brings us to an interesting point, namely the fact that China’s enemy/ally India has started to gloat over China’s “sissy” situation, judging from this article on one of India’s news sites. Is India firing shots at China? Not too surprising, considering the two countries’ dispute over their border region and that annoying Dalai Lama. What should we do? Maybe airdrop large condoms but mark them as small? Hmmm… Regular ones would probably do the trick:
HA! Our average size is far from impressive, but yours is even tinier, making it the SMALLEST IN THE WORLD. So India, just follow the Brits, like in the old days. And let us get back to our own problems.
This morning Taiwan was struck by an earthquake of magnitude 6.4 on the Richter scale. Reports so far mention 11 people being injured and no fatal casualties. The epicenter of the quake was in the mountains northeast of the city of Kaohsiung at a depth of 5 km.
Hence, not exactly a Haiti or Chile-like disaster it seems, yet only 11 years ago a quake measuring 7.3 killed approx. 2,400 people and destroyed/damaged 50,000 buildings on the island. As usual, we were slightly amused by Xinhua’s -the PRC’s official press agency- depiction of the situation, referring to the island as China’s Taiwan:
The acid throwing days in this town appear to be over with the arrest of a 23-year old fella mid January. And good riddance, as more than a hundred people have been injured by this sick mofo. Unfortunately he might have given a certain Tsang Cheuk-kei the idea of inflicting damage in a similar way, his wife being the sole victim here.
Last May, Tsang felt the need to throw acid into his wife’s face while she was sleeping. This Pakistani style punishment is usually only employed by small-dicked, fundamentalist Muslim men who don’t get to marry the girl they have been eyeballing. So why did Tsang resort to such extreme measures? His wife suggested a divorce, as she was tired of being the only breadwinner and doing all the housework after Tsang got ill and lost his job in 2004.
The man was sentenced to 10 years in prison yesterday after claiming that his only intent was to make his wife “not so pretty.” And boy did he succeed: the 32-year old woman spent the next 6 months in the hospital after the attack to undergo repeated surgery and still refuses to look in the mirror or even see their 13-year old daughter.
As Tsang very effectively destroyed the lives of several people here, a 10 year sentence seems to be rather mild. We hope you fucking die will have an awful time, asshole.
Today the ginormous aircraft carrier USS Nimitz arrived in Hong Kong, along with its supporting fleet of ships and 5680+ crew members on it. Now as you probably know, a “lost weekend” in this city can refer to only two things:
1) Getting blackout drunk and ending up in jail/hospital.
2) American Navy displaces your bar stool at any number of shady fine establishments.
Because of the recent arms deal between the U.S. and Taiwan, China got upset and threatened with all kinds of nasty things. Hence, by allowing Wan Chai to be flooded by thousands of horny sailors, it’s easy to conclude the Chinese are pussies who bark but don’t bite. Of course, our strip clubs aren’t complaining. But us Dark Siders expect there’s more than meets the eye. It wouldn’t be the first time our mainland amigos deceive the gullible world with a seemingly friendly gesture. With Obama about to meet the Dalai Lama and the inevitable abuse by Beijing that will follow, letting the USA park here can only be considered a genius PR move. Us Commies are peaceful, you Yanks provoke!
But anyway, back to the Nimitz. Our town is a favorite port-of-call for U.S. Navy sailors. Hence, be warned ladies, single and taken, large and small: lots of American se(a)men are/is going to be all over you the coming few days.
Those of you that have been here for a while would remember an interesting murder case involving expats and milkshakes in Hong Kong. Nancy Kissel was accused of bludgeoning her investment banker husband to death in 2003 after giving him a cocktail of drugs. She claimed to have killed him in self-defense, testifying that she suffered years of abusive sex and he was a coke addict. Unfortunately for her that didn’t cut it: she was convicted of premeditated murder and sentenced to life in prison
Last week, Hong Kong’s top court overturned her 2005 conviction for killing her husband, ruling that hearsay evidence on her intent to kill and cross-examination on bail material made her original trial unfair. Erm.. WTF? In her first appeal, which she lost, the court called it as cogent a case of murder as might be imagined. Court statements don’t get any bolder than this. Yet apparently, very obvious mistakes have been made.
It’s worthwhile to note that in Hong Kong, roughly 75% of not-guilty pleas end in a conviction. In England for example, that figure is less than 8%. This has made one prominent HK lawyer, Clive Grossman, compare Hong Kong’s rate of conviction to North Korea’s: “An arrested person is, statistically, almost certain to face imprisonment.”
Even though Nancy admitted killing her husband, the fact that she appears to have gotten an unfair trial is a serious blow to our judiciary system’s reputation. On the other hand, we are part of China of course. Luckily we can find comfort in the fact that other places in Asia are even more messed up. For those holding a grudge against bankers too, here’s a more innocent way to relieve the frustration.
Hilarious piece in today’s SCMP about karaoke in the Philippines. The nation’s reputation for violence and guns appears to also affect the seemingly harmless pass-time involving the singing of cheesy 80’s tunes.
Numerous fights have erupted in the Philippines because of this Asian hobby, as especially in the rural areas strangers are forced to rub shoulders while vying for female attention through their serenades. But here’s the kicker: Frank Sinatra’s classic “My Way” has a very special reputation, as the song has apparently resulted in at LEAST half a dozen victims over the past few years and has as such created a whole new subcategory of murders: “My Way killings.”
Why this song you ask? There’s two theories. One, because of the song’s popularity, it is sung more often and hence statistically it simply causes more trouble in this violent society. A second explanation centers around the song’s lyrics: as they are a tad arrogant in nature, they result in feelings of pride and machismo behavior. Apparently to such an extent that many karaoke bars have simply erased the song of its machines because it resulted in too many fights.
If that wasn’t entertaining enough, SCMP tells us that may of these bars employ gay men because of these quarrels. These fellas are not seen as rivals for female attention and can use their queer humor to soothe tensions between the macho Sinatras. A fantastic remedy wethinks: all we need is gay diplomats on both ends and the Sino-US issues are history.
Despite our Basic Law that protects freedom of expression, Facebook appears to practice self-censorship over political content in our city. Over the past few days groups that oppose the pro-establishment party (DAB) as well as the League of Social Democrats (LSD) have been closed, some of them with + 100.000 members. So it’s not just the anti-establishment parties that have been targeted. Already blocked in China, Zuckerberg & Co. might have figured it’s best to shy away from any political issues in Hong Kong as well, since it’s pretty obvious Beijing dictates affairs here too. Shame on you.
