Like any other place in the world, the hotties that we occasionally see in the magazines or on TV weren’t exactly born looking like that. Local Hongkies are likely to know a bit more about this than our regular gweilo/expat/ABC/CBC/BBC audience, so we figured it would be nice to show you how ugly Angelababy (who?) used to be for example. Decide for yourself whether or not the following has more to do with surgery than with highly skilled make-up artists: (more…)
One bright star in the star filled skies of Hong Kong (hmm…) is looking to have a kid. Thanks for reading.
Gigi Lai Chi is hitting 38 years old and is looking to start having sons. Of course this is an increasingly difficult task, so Gigi headed to the all-powerful Fung Shui masters. In the past, these masters have been notorious for elderly swindling, rape and lewd conduct, but her guy seems to consult more along the lines of American Pop culture. His recommendation: change your name. Presto.
It’s an age old wisdom that positive association can improve success- like looking in a mirror saying “damn you look good girl” will make you believe you look like Chrissie Chau the rest of the day. So what is Gigi’s new name? It’s Gigi Lai-Ka-Yee, as the latter part sounds like “add a son” in Cantonese or in Chinglish, “Edison.” Just kidding of course. As it takes two to tango, we wonder if our wise Fung Shui master had no recommendations for the other half, a disabled 52-year old millionaire.
There’s no better way to learn than from others fortune and failures, so I will take this gem of advice to heart- I am no longer the author known as Pushcart Prince. From now on I will be known as ”Pushcart Prince Telekinetic Powers.” I have always wanted to be able to lift skirts with my mind have this power, and using the occult to gain occult powers- logical.
Done hiking, cleaning the graves of your ancestors and burning them paper cash? Good, then it’s time for the more important things in life again. Let us present to you Yao Yao (or better known in Cantonese as Yiu Yiu)! Ahhh yes, another ridiculous music video exploiting the child-like qualities of Asian women and making us feel ashamed for getting that funny feeling down below when we watch it. Our newest Leng-mo (Cantonese slang for pseudo models, “mo” meaning “model” – Canto Lesson #1 compliments of the Dark Side) might soon be giving our beloved Chrissie a run for her money:
In her corner she has a tragic story from which she rose and overcame, with the help of her huge knockers. When her father passed away two years ago, Yao Yao saw an opportunity to finally use her breasts as her golden ticket to fame.
Yao Yao confirms the stereotype that Taiwanese women are cuter and have bigger tits than other Asian women, something we already knew through our recent thorough research. Still not convinced? In your face. It also helps that in her new music video, the chorus boasts the lyrics “Du Du Du Du Du Lu”, which seems frighteningly similar to the Cantonese word “Diu” meaning “Fuck” (Canto lesson #2, compliments of the Dark Side). Coincidence? We think not! Lyrics of “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck…” complemented by Yao Yao jumping on her bed in her underwear indeed make a killer combo if you’d ask us. Her father would be so proud, God rest his soul.
As unapologetically ashamed as you may feel for jerking off to this video, don’t be – Yao Yao’s success has supported her entire family, including her two siblings in primary school. But as heart-warming as this is, we all know there is a certain controversy with these pseudo models and the issue of female exploitation. So, here at the Dark Side, we’d like to take a stand against Asian female exploitation to redeem Yao Yao’s reputation and stolen innocence here, here, here and here. She has become quite a success and perhaps it’s not a product of her bountiful endowment but rather a testament to the songbird quality of her voice. In a terrible English translation, she is described as the perfect model for video games “with the so-called “Tong Yan Boobs” characteristics Yao Yao that, with beautiful appearance, fluency of the mouth…”
Our point exactly.
Welcome to the first guest post by The Libertines Pub at the Dark Side. We were so flattered when these people found us and told us that they wanted us here. I’ve been dreaming about this kind of love for years, finally, we’re getting near to have our share!
Love is all around in Hong Kong. It’s not difficult to tell by the recent happenings that our lawmakers just love to screw Hong Kong people so much. We have DAB, the pro-establishment party that regularly bribes treats our elders and housewives to free snake banquets and cheap tours to the mainland to solicit for their support. Their Starry Lee, the future MILF Sarah Palin of Hong Kong, loves our citizens so much that she took three $%^&# months to find out that we’re poisoning ourselves by putting our fries directly on the fast food tray paper. At the pan-democrat side, we heard about the romantic love story between the Honourable Kam Nai-wai and his former assistant. The pro-democracy camp has always demanded open investigation when shit hit the fan, but this time they decided to hold an internal investigation instead. I tried not to think that the democrats are hypocritical, but that this romantic story just involved something like this, which is too hot for a public hearing.
Not only do the Legco members love us, we love them and their myths ideals back like fanatics. I trust most of us love democracy. But in Hong Kong, if you love democracy, it necessarily means loving the pro-democracy camp. It also means hating their rivals’ guts. If you don’t love the “democracy” the pan-democrats endorse, sorry, there’s no other choice. If you ever say “hi” to or simply share a table with anyone from the DAB, you’re sold-out.
And speaking of sell-outs, Danny Summer, the so called Hong Kong father of rock, was found to be one last week by the pan-democrat supporters. A few louts stormed his stage when he played for DAB’s national day celebration concert. They took his mic and ranted about their hatred for the Beijing government. Now initially I found the incident kind of cool, as stuff like this represents the true rock n’ roll spirit from back in the days. How I wish Danny Summer just smashed his guitar against the heads of those kids to give the concert a real red color. But then the incident kickstarted a struggle session against Summer in the local blogsphere…
Notorious among nerds for throwing them in the refreshing Hong Kong waters, Eric Tse Hoi-wing, actor and member of Cantopop group E02 has recently declared that our Chief Executive Donald is… cheap. The SCMP reports that 煲呔曾’s visit to the Lunar New Year Fair in Victoria Park this year resulted in about HK$ 1,000 in purchases of various items (a rather popular thing to do nowadays among government officials to stimulate spending by the public), including one undoubtedly ghetto trucker hat designed by a local artist.
The proceeds of this sale went to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which aids children with life-threatening medical conditions, making it an ‘especially meaningful’ purchase as stated by Mr. Tsang. Good to know Donald, we almost thought you’d show up in Beijing next time spotting your latest wardrobe addition. However, our Cantopop heartthrob firmly expressed discontent: ‘he should have bought one of each design, not just one cap!’
What was our Chief Executive thinking? Those 120 bucks for one cap don’t make any difference. Instead, buying five would have made the world a whole lot better. We hope you can sleep at night Donald.
