The acid thrower has struck again, which means all efforts up until now have not been working. Here are a few ideas which may increase the odds of succeeding:
1. New nickname - “The Acid Thrower” is actually a pretty cool nickname. If we all started calling him “Too-Weak-To-Hold-Acid-Bottles-And-Drops-Them-By-Accident-While-On-Roof-Boy” it will be a) non-flattering, deterring him from resuming his identity as TWTHACADTBAWORB and b) well, it’s just annoying to say.
2. Line the streets with cute, adorable animals. As soon as one of them gets hurt, PETA will unleash the wrath of a thousand suns.
3. Create umbrellas and canopies that look like giant eyes. Much like the moth that looks like a giant eye, this could scare the acid-boy away. (Hire JR!)
4. Make money at home. Either acid-boy will fall for it (and stop throwing acid) or everyone else will (and the streets will be empty) - nobody gets hurt.
5. Create giant clingfilm protectors on rooftops. Ever put clingfilm on the toilet seat and wait for the unsuspecting drunk victims?
6. Put different color glitter on the edge of all rooftops. CSI Hong Kong can figure out the rest.
7. Ask our doormen to get off their asses for a change and lock the rooftops they are responsible for. Genius, we know.
8. Sell acid only in limited edition Bathing Ape x Gucci x Angelababy bottles. People will be lining up for days and the collection value will be so high, that nobody is going to throw them away (the re-sell value on eBay is a different type of crime, but it’s still the lesser of two evils).
9. Free high-speed internet for all. This way we can all stay in, be safe and do what the internet was made for: watch porn on it.
10. Equip the jobless 4.9% of this city’s working population with BB guns and have them roam the rooftops in search of the culprit. Winner gets to be a cop and annoy gweilos by raiding Central’s clubs during weekends.
It’s probably hard to believe, but sometimes we interest ourselves for scientific stuff. And look what we came across: new shots by NASA which are the most true-colour images available till date of that little planet we call Earth. Isn’t it pretty? We owe it to NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center, whose researchers created a Blue Marble series via images from the Terra satellite which is in orbit more than 700 km above the Earth’s surface. Resolution goes up to 21,600 pixels across. Check out cool animations here, showing seasonal changes in landcover and Arctic sea ice. TDS Science Report out.
The acid throwing days in this town appear to be over with the arrest of a 23-year old fella mid January. And good riddance, as more than a hundred people have been injured by this sick mofo. Unfortunately he might have given a certain Tsang Cheuk-kei the idea of inflicting damage in a similar way, his wife being the sole victim here.
Last May, Tsang felt the need to throw acid into his wife’s face while she was sleeping. This Pakistani style punishment is usually only employed by small-dicked, fundamentalist Muslim men who don’t get to marry the girl they have been eyeballing. So why did Tsang resort to such extreme measures? His wife suggested a divorce, as she was tired of being the only breadwinner and doing all the housework after Tsang got ill and lost his job in 2004.
The man was sentenced to 10 years in prison yesterday after claiming that his only intent was to make his wife “not so pretty.” And boy did he succeed: the 32-year old woman spent the next 6 months in the hospital after the attack to undergo repeated surgery and still refuses to look in the mirror or even see their 13-year old daughter.
As Tsang very effectively destroyed the lives of several people here, a 10 year sentence seems to be rather mild. We hope you fucking die will have an awful time, asshole.
Amusing article in today’s SCMP about the results of the four-yearly survey on drug abuse by HK pupils. Turns out 90% of the primary and secondary schools in our little territory have students taking psychotropic drugs. Just to clarify: we’re talking about schools here, not 9 out of 10 of pupils at these schools. In primary schools, 1.6% of pupils have taken drugs at least once, in secondary schools this number jumps to 4.3% and at universities it’s 2.9%.
Forget about primary and secondary schools for a second. Did you seriously read that only 2.9% of university students has experiences with drugs? Yes you did. Before you become fussy about the word ‘psychotropic’, this basically means all types of drugs, including marijuana and even caffeine. We’ll just assume that coffee wasn’t labeled a drug too by our researchers, although you never you know in this town. Anyway, back to our uni students. Of course, despite the anonymous nature of the survey, quite a few might have lied. Nevertheless, wethinks the remaining 97.1% should at least try a joint in this supposedly exciting period of their lives. Even Obama did it and look what he turned out to be.
Further interesting info is revealed when the types of drugs most commonly used are discussed. It seems the most popular drugs in primary school are paint thinners and cough medicine (kudos for our creative youngsters). Our secondary school teens of course like ketamine and cannabis. And our uni boys and girls enjoy weed as well, plus XTC. To put matters into perspective: 47% of Grade 12 students in the U.S. have experience with drugs, mostly of the ’softer’ kind. Regarding hard drugs, well, apparently 16.2% of ALL adults in the U.S. have used cocaine at least once. We still have a long way to go Hong Kong.
An injustice of biblical proportions has occured! A local pastor/tour guide Li Chi Kwong Boaz (李志光) was arrested and put into jail by the Israeli taxman last December for the smuggling of jewelry worth HK$ 20 million. The Israelis convicted Boaz on the 24th of December 2009 and sentenced him to a three-month term. Apparently Boaz was a good boy and released prematurely on the 10th of this month. Or was it divine intervention?
Mind you, Boaz is not just another pastor. He owns the Holyland Resources Centre, a tour service provider to the “Holy Land.” An 11-day tour to Jordan, Israel and Egypt with this firm costs about HK$ 18,000 per head.
According to the pastor’s testimony, he only smuggled the jewelry to Israel for good deeds, as he was trying to help the poor Palestinian children in the occupied territories. In addition, our brave hero fasted for a whole 10 days and drank only water while in prison. At the time of release, he weighed only 153 lbs. Now did you know that every Hebrew letter is represented by a number? Adding up the numbers representing “I am God” in Hebrew gives 153! In addition, adding up his mobile phone digits gives the number 44. In Hebrew, 40 = M and 4 = D; and MD = Melekh David! HALLELUJA! We’re obviously curious what great blessing would have occured if Boaz measured his weight in kgs instead of lbs.
Anyway, all of you lost and lonely, seeking guidance and help, fear not! God is near. Just splash out HK$ 18,000 and He could be your tour guide.
Henry has a guest post on The Dark Side and is one of the founders of the Libertines Pub.
Girls in Hong Kong luuuuuv doggies. Girls in Hong Kong luuuuuv Louis Vuitton even more. What if you could combine the best of both worlds and make your Pinky, Sweety or Apple really happy and love you long time? Well, we just found you the ultimate combo present: (more…)
Macau is an island where a man’s wildest dreams can be fulfilled. Whether it’s lavish dining, pimping at the roulette table amongst your chain smoking peers or luxurious massages, it’s the place to be away from wife/girlfriend. As if there wasn’t enough temptation already, Playboy Enterprises Inc. is currently in discussions with a local operator for a branded club in Macau.
Didn’t we hear this before you ask? Indeed, but as the previous plans never materialized -something to do with a financial crisis- new ones are being forged. Of course we applaud this initiative, if only because it may add a slightly classier touch to the island’s reputation. And as you know, we’re all about class (thanks @broadchris) when it comes to our team building trips! Have a great week folks.
