You are undoubtedly excited about the upcoming Xiamen International Cow Parade. Who wouldn’t be, as cows are awesome. A few days ago about 50 designs got picked out of a 100 that were submitted for this totally cultural event. With those odds it doesn’t seem too hard to have your own cow grazing in the streets one day, which is probably what a very talented designer from Hong Kong figured when he submitted his masterpiece, The Bruce Lee Cow:
An instant classic we say, with the “udder penis” as its most interesting feature. Of course the fact that a cow would have slight troubles holding nunchuks is only something a fussy cow-anatomy freak would point out. The Xiamen International Cow Parade is jointly held by Xiamen and Taiwan this year and starts next month. Speaking of horns by the way, the Tibetan rumors are true after all: Satan lives in China!
Fung Shui is a beautiful, ancient energy system which can be manipulated used for increasing one’s wealth and well-being. It also brings us amusement, considering the many sex scandals involving “masters” and gullible Hong Kong citizens. It’s of course no surprise that the profession of Fung Shui master is considered to be the least trustworthy in this town. However, when the bullshit these people spill directly impacts our safety, we get a little agitated.
Today SCMP reports that the construction of a weather radar which helps pilots land safely at our airport in difficult conditions is to be postponed. Why? Because the location is rejected by angry villagers who claim the radar would affect the area’s Fung Shui. The Doppler radar in Tai Lam Chung is currently the only radar in this town capable of monitoring wind changes near the airport in bad weather. This radar is scheduled for breakdown shortly, yet with the villagers’ objection against the proposed new location we could potentially end up not having a decent bad weather radar until 2015.
SCMP illustrates the importance of the Doppler radar with an example of a pilot who ignored a microburst once, a rapid descent of cool air (detecting these is what this radar does best). The pilot ignoring the warning nearly crashed his plane, as he got to 9 meters from the surface of the sea. So how is it that our government can push a HK$ 69 billion railway down our throats and force hundreds of villagers to relocate, while the construction of a radar that is absolutely VITAL for our safe arrival and departure can be postponed for a few years due to local superstitions?
Food for thought on a Monday. Have a great week folks.
Today Yahoo News reports about a rather interesting incident that occurred late January. Turns out a 24-year old Thai chopped off part of his dick at our airport and happily tried to board the plane home after.
When Ekphala Ploykaew suddenly felt the need for amputation at 5 am, he managed to find his way to the back entrance of Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits and grab an 8 inch knife. An hour later, a toilet cleaner called airport security as he found a pool of blood on the floor in one of the cubicles. As you can imagine, the search for a man with a bloody pair of pants on didn’t take that long. A wound was found on Ploykaew’s penis and flesh was missing as well. He was charged with stealing and received a 14-day jail sentence.
Fascinating stuff. Let’s hope terrorists are not given any ideas by the apparent possibility of finding 8″ knives at our airportjust before take-off.
Hilarious piece in today’s SCMP about karaoke in the Philippines. The nation’s reputation for violence and guns appears to also affect the seemingly harmless pass-time involving the singing of cheesy 80’s tunes.
Numerous fights have erupted in the Philippines because of this Asian hobby, as especially in the rural areas strangers are forced to rub shoulders while vying for female attention through their serenades. But here’s the kicker: Frank Sinatra’s classic “My Way” has a very special reputation, as the song has apparently resulted in at LEAST half a dozen victims over the past few years and has as such created a whole new subcategory of murders: “My Way killings.”
Why this song you ask? There’s two theories. One, because of the song’s popularity, it is sung more often and hence statistically it simply causes more trouble in this violent society. A second explanation centers around the song’s lyrics: as they are a tad arrogant in nature, they result in feelings of pride and machismo behavior. Apparently to such an extent that many karaoke bars have simply erased the song of its machines because it resulted in too many fights.
If that wasn’t entertaining enough, SCMP tells us that may of these bars employ gay men because of these quarrels. These fellas are not seen as rivals for female attention and can use their queer humor to soothe tensions between the macho Sinatras. A fantastic remedy wethinks: all we need is gay diplomats on both ends and the Sino-US issues are history.
After yesterday’s informative post, it’s time to bring back the unnecessary crap which in no way enriches your life. After Bus Uncle, Crazy Woman Misses Her Flight and I Want My Damn Shark Fin Soup, we present you the latest local drama: “Miss Leggy vs. 4 Eyes Pork Chop: the fight for a guy.” Synopsis: ex-girlfriend bumps into ex-boyfriend with new girlfriend and starts a fight, interrogating the ex for an explanation about her being dumped for 4 Eyes Porky. Classy stuff indeed:
Lines in this fascinating conversation include:
“Who is this? Answer me! You didn’t dump me for this chick! What does she have that I don’t have? She’s got face? Ass? I have done so much for you! I stopped doing all the things you don’t like! Like, wear skirts! Or have male friends!”
“Why don’t you go home and check yourself in the mirror? Do you know how ugly you are?”
“Do you know what is TIMING? You obviously have no clue! Now disappear!”
On local forums the identity of the three characters has of course already been discussed, but more importantly, the general consensus is that the whole thing is a con. Main argument: they don’t swear enough! Canto people do not use such ‘clean words’ when angry. Ah.. we could have known.
Some of you may remember your first business dinner with the Chinese in which you were meant to be impressed by a slimy and stringy substance in a bowl. Little did you probably know about the butchery prestige associated with this fine dish back then. Hopefully things are a little different by now.
The shark fin industry is so lucrative that there’s even a mighty mafia run out of Taiwan, dictating affairs as far as Costa Rica. Of course there are many groups and activists working diligently to stop shark finning practices such as CITES, WWF, and Greenpeace. In March a convention will be held about the scalloped hammerhead and whether it should become an endangered species. This species is currently responsible for the most lucrative fins and if listed as endangered, it’s like a special edition LV bag! And hence, will probably be regarded even tastier.
Luckily some of Hong Kong’s finest are making efforts to contribute to the prevention of cruelty to animals and such. Just last week, SCMP reported about a grand celebration of fine wines at the Hotel Nikko with guests including none other than our beloved satirical columnist Chip Tsao. The purpose of the event was to promote an exclusive line of wines and the cases of wine sold at the event would graciously benefit the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. Bravo! Lots of money must have been donated. We also hope everybody enjoyed the shark fin’s soup which was served during dinner.
Guess it’s one of those cultural things that can never be changed, no matter how destructive or environmentally irresponsible it may be. On the other hand, if more sharks are added to the list of endangered species, we may be confronted with a much bigger problem one day: an increase in the number of irrational Chinese women. Far from endangered already!
Getting laid through attentive, courteous behavior can be problematic at times in this city. At least, that’s what we have to assume after reading the third case in just a few weeks involving a very creative local and the usual naive female(s). After the Fung Shui master and the hair therapist, we figured we’d seen the best of it. As happens quite often, we were wrong.
Today SCMP reports about a Hong Kong man, surnamed Shum, who managed to convince unsuspecting women they required ‘health checks’, which would often turn into sexual intercourse. How? By posing as a secret government agent who had discovered these same women were raped and drugged by their fathers. And to find out if daddy was still going at it, regular check ups were required.
As if the punani fiddling and occasional lay wasn’t enough, these women were charged HK$ 400 - 2,500 for each body check as well. It is believed that from 2002 till 2008, Shum made more than HK$ 500,000 by exploiting these boneheaded poor ladies. Our own 007 got busted last year and was jailed for 19 years by a court in Guangzhou this month. Let’s hope he will remember his ‘daddies’ raping him in prison.
