The female boss laughed scornfully: There are no clients, we are the only ones in this house. Come, tonight I’m yours. I didn’t know how to respond, only dumbstruck and looking at her stupidly. The female boss saw that I wasn’t responding and continued to say: Xiao Zhao, if you’re with me, the company’s deputy chief position is yours, I will also give you a BMW.
The Dark Side wishes all females a fantastic day. Especially those poor leftover ones who just can’t seem to find that tall Mr. Right with a master’s degree, well-paid job and gentle character. Have a good one!
Residents of HK have for years looked at the backs of scrawny boys and wondered “potentially fit girl or malnourished, scrawny dude?” only to discover a nasty little shock after following them around a couple of blocks. And now there is proof! A popular book in China titled Save the Boys by author Sun Yunxiao argues that boys in China grow up in a predominantly female environment and hence, emulate dudes like these. Luckily this development is counterbalanced by the Chingstah phenomenon. And if that doesn’t work, well, toys like these do wonders in reducing the self-perception of neighbors’ testicle sizes.
Which brings us to an interesting point, namely the fact that China’s enemy/ally India has started to gloat over China’s “sissy” situation, judging from this article on one of India’s news sites. Is India firing shots at China? Not too surprising, considering the two countries’ dispute over their border region and that annoying Dalai Lama. What should we do? Maybe airdrop large condoms but mark them as small? Hmmm… Regular ones would probably do the trick:
HA! Our average size is far from impressive, but yours is even tinier, making it the SMALLEST IN THE WORLD. So India, just follow the Brits, like in the old days. And let us get back to our own problems.
Macau is an island where a man’s wildest dreams can be fulfilled. Whether it’s lavish dining, pimping at the roulette table amongst your chain smoking peers or luxurious massages, it’s the place to be away from wife/girlfriend. As if there wasn’t enough temptation already, Playboy Enterprises Inc. is currently in discussions with a local operator for a branded club in Macau.
Didn’t we hear this before you ask? Indeed, but as the previous plans never materialized -something to do with a financial crisis- new ones are being forged. Of course we applaud this initiative, if only because it may add a slightly classier touch to the island’s reputation. And as you know, we’re all about class (thanks @broadchris) when it comes to our team building trips! Have a great week folks.
Today the ginormous aircraft carrier USS Nimitz arrived in Hong Kong, along with its supporting fleet of ships and 5680+ crew members on it. Now as you probably know, a “lost weekend” in this city can refer to only two things:
1) Getting blackout drunk and ending up in jail/hospital.
2) American Navy displaces your bar stool at any number of shady fine establishments.
Because of the recent arms deal between the U.S. and Taiwan, China got upset and threatened with all kinds of nasty things. Hence, by allowing Wan Chai to be flooded by thousands of horny sailors, it’s easy to conclude the Chinese are pussies who bark but don’t bite. Of course, our strip clubs aren’t complaining. But us Dark Siders expect there’s more than meets the eye. It wouldn’t be the first time our mainland amigos deceive the gullible world with a seemingly friendly gesture. With Obama about to meet the Dalai Lama and the inevitable abuse by Beijing that will follow, letting the USA park here can only be considered a genius PR move. Us Commies are peaceful, you Yanks provoke!
But anyway, back to the Nimitz. Our town is a favorite port-of-call for U.S. Navy sailors. Hence, be warned ladies, single and taken, large and small: lots of American se(a)men are/is going to be all over you the coming few days.
Let us introduce you to local cutie Isis Lee. Isis was dumped several months ago and now has something to say to her ex-boyfriend. For non-Canto speakers, a translation of the best bits can be found below. Hoax, advertisement or real, we say from 0:41 onwards it’s all worth it. ZIP!
“Ng ga ching, you cheap bastard! Before you got me, you did whatever I asked of you. After you got me, we had to go Dutch on everything. Ok, that was still fine, but then you started complaining that my tits are AA cups and too small! And you dumped me because of that?”
“Today, 3 months after we broke up, I want to show you something. Now, take a good look, I have a C cup! Don’t you regret dumping me now? And I bet you want to do me again, right? But sorry, you don’t stand a chance anymore. I won’t see you again and I will NEVER let you touch my C’s.”
“Ng Ga Ching, you could say I’m a bitch or that I have princess syndrome, but whatever it is, you can never say that I am small again. Look at them, they are C’s! You don’t even have a C on your school certificate.”
Today Yahoo News reports about a rather interesting incident that occurred late January. Turns out a 24-year old Thai chopped off part of his dick at our airport and happily tried to board the plane home after.
When Ekphala Ploykaew suddenly felt the need for amputation at 5 am, he managed to find his way to the back entrance of Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits and grab an 8 inch knife. An hour later, a toilet cleaner called airport security as he found a pool of blood on the floor in one of the cubicles. As you can imagine, the search for a man with a bloody pair of pants on didn’t take that long. A wound was found on Ploykaew’s penis and flesh was missing as well. He was charged with stealing and received a 14-day jail sentence.
Fascinating stuff. Let’s hope terrorists are not given any ideas by the apparent possibility of finding 8″ knives at our airportjust before take-off.
Luckily Facebook isn’t censoring all the fun stuff (yet). After a bit of digging and countless suggestions by our loyal and likely to be disturbed readers, we bring you a small selection of the more unusual Facebook groups related to Hong Kong:
1) Sex, Lies and Expats in Hong Kong
We are obviously grossly offended by these stereotypes. This group’s wall also serves as a place for singles to meet up.
