Kudos, of course, go to Big Brother; our useless government; and our ass-kissing pro-establishment camp. They simply didn’t play the game the LSD-Civic Party alliance wanted them to play and virtually ignored the resignation as a protest – sticking to their guns saying the great Basic Law allows no referendum. Also odd is how it’s all quiet on the LSD-Civic Party front. They have done nothing noteworthy since their gathering outside of LegCo when they dramatically tendered their resignation in late January. Conspiracy theorists like this fella believe it’s all BS and our mavericks would soon return to their cozy LegCo seats having accomplished nothing. We agreed… but only until we heard this:

Our beloved singer/actress/chef, Maria “Fat Mama” Cordero is now considering running for the NT East LegCo seat! She said she would need to hold a family conference before making a final decision, but there’s a possibility for her to run against Leung Kwok-hung aka Long Hair. Hard choice for you denizens of NT East, right? She said she’s pretty pissed off by the uncivilized approach of the LSD, and thought that elections and constitutional reform is much like cooking and bringing up children: it takes time and has its own pace.

But that’s not all folks; we heard that Pamela Pak, the long time girl friend of Paul Tse, the Honorable LegCo member for the Tourism constituency, will be running as well. Let’s keep an eye out for their colorful costumes and their make-your eyes-bleed-photo-ops. One thing that I know for sure, if Fat Mama is elected, she will definitely do something about the price of food. As recently as a few weeks ago one catty of pea sprouts cost more than one share of HSBC. Help us Fat Mama!

Henry has a guest post on The Dark Side and is one of the founders of the Libertines Pub.

An instant classic we say, with the “udder penis” as its most interesting feature. Of course the fact that a cow would have slight troubles holding nunchuks is only something a fussy cow-anatomy freak would point out. The Xiamen International Cow Parade is jointly held by Xiamen and Taiwan this year and starts next month. Speaking of horns by the way, the Tibetan rumors are true after all: Satan lives in China!

1. New nickname - “The Acid Thrower” is actually a pretty cool nickname. If we all started calling him “Too-Weak-To-Hold-Acid-Bottles-And-Drops-Them-By-Accident-While-On-Roof-Boy” it will be a) non-flattering, deterring him from resuming his identity as TWTHACADTBAWORB and b) well, it’s just annoying to say.

2. Line the streets with cute, adorable animals. As soon as one of them gets hurt, PETA will unleash the wrath of a thousand suns.

3. Create umbrellas and canopies that look like giant eyes. Much like the moth that looks like a giant eye, this could scare the acid-boy away. (Hire JR!)

4. Make money at home. Either acid-boy will fall for it (and stop throwing acid) or everyone else will (and the streets will be empty) - nobody gets hurt.

5. Create giant clingfilm protectors on rooftops. Ever put clingfilm on the toilet seat and wait for the unsuspecting drunk victims?

6. Put different color glitter on the edge of all rooftops. CSI Hong Kong can figure out the rest.

7. Ask our doormen to get off their asses for a change and lock the rooftops they are responsible for. Genius, we know.

8. Sell acid only in limited edition Bathing Ape x Gucci x Angelababy bottles. People will be lining up for days and the collection value will be so high, that nobody is going to throw them away (the re-sell value on eBay is a different type of crime, but it’s still the lesser of two evils).

9. Free high-speed internet for all. This way we can all stay in, be safe and do what the internet was made for: watch porn on it.

10. Equip the jobless 4.9% of this city’s working population with BB guns and have them roam the rooftops in search of the culprit. Winner gets to be a cop and annoy gweilos by raiding Central’s clubs during weekends.

The female boss laughed scornfully: There are no clients, we are the only ones in this house. Come, tonight I’m yours. I didn’t know how to respond, only dumbstruck and looking at her stupidly. The female boss saw that I wasn’t responding and continued to say: Xiao Zhao, if you’re with me, the company’s deputy chief position is yours, I will also give you a BMW.

From ChinaSMACK.

The Dark Side wishes all females a fantastic day. Especially those poor leftover ones who just can’t seem to find that tall Mr. Right with a master’s degree, well-paid job and gentle character. Have a good one!

Which brings us to an interesting point, namely the fact that China’s enemy/ally India has started to gloat over China’s “sissy” situation, judging from this article on one of India’s news sites. Is India firing shots at China? Not too surprising, considering the two countries’ dispute over their border region and that annoying Dalai Lama. What should we do? Maybe airdrop large condoms but mark them as small? Hmmm… Regular ones would probably do the trick:

HA! Our average size is far from impressive, but yours is even tinier, making it the SMALLEST IN THE WORLD. So India, just follow the Brits, like in the old days. And let us get back to our own problems.

Hence, not exactly a Haiti or Chile-like disaster it seems, yet only 11 years ago a quake measuring 7.3 killed approx. 2,400 people and destroyed/damaged 50,000 buildings on the island. As usual, we were slightly amused by Xinhua’s -the PRC’s official press agency- depiction of the situation, referring to the island as China’s Taiwan:

If you stick around long enough to become a senior staff member, you could end up earning between HK$ 1.8 and 4.8 million a year, which is more than what any other government funded uni in this city pays. But it gets better. Especially if you’re a (former) council member, as PolyU has no issues investing in one of your businesses, whether they make money or not. 38 subsidiaries and affiliates of PolyU have resulted in write offs of HK$ 83.4 million in 2009, and total losses of HK$ 332 million over the past five years. Oh, your business is not related to any of the university’s course material? Who cares.

PolyU Modern TCM, a firm of which the university owned 59.18 % at one point, makes Chinese herbal products. The fact that no courses in Chinese medicine are offered by PolyU is simply irrelevant, as well as the sale of this great venture for HK$ 1.1 million last year (which resulted in write offs of HK$ 25 million). Let’s not bore you with additional details on how a construction firm run by a former council member was awarded with HK$ 700 million in contracts over the past few years, or how HK$ 504 million was lost due to risky bets on stocks and derivatives.

What does this all mean for PolyU’s bottom line? A HK$ 900 million loss over 2009. Mo Man Tai!

Last May, Tsang felt the need to throw acid into his wife’s face while she was sleeping. This Pakistani style punishment is usually only employed by small-dicked, fundamentalist Muslim men who don’t get to marry the girl they have been eyeballing. So why did Tsang resort to such extreme measures? His wife suggested a divorce, as she was tired of being the only breadwinner and doing all the housework after Tsang got ill and lost his job in 2004.

The man was sentenced to 10 years in prison yesterday after claiming that his only intent was to make his wife “not so pretty.” And boy did he succeed: the 32-year old woman spent the next 6 months in the hospital after the attack to undergo repeated surgery and still refuses to look in the mirror or even see their 13-year old daughter.

As Tsang very effectively destroyed the lives of several people here, a 10 year sentence seems to be rather mild. We hope you fucking die will have an awful time, asshole.