Amusing article in today’s SCMP about the results of the four-yearly survey on drug abuse by HK pupils. Turns out 90% of the primary and secondary schools in our little territory have students taking psychotropic drugs. Just to clarify: we’re talking about schools here, not 9 out of 10 of pupils at these schools. In primary schools, 1.6% of pupils have taken drugs at least once, in secondary schools this number jumps to 4.3% and at universities it’s 2.9%.
Forget about primary and secondary schools for a second. Did you seriously read that only 2.9% of university students has experiences with drugs? Yes you did. Before you become fussy about the word ‘psychotropic’, this basically means all types of drugs, including marijuana and even caffeine. We’ll just assume that coffee wasn’t labeled a drug too by our researchers, although you never you know in this town. Anyway, back to our uni students. Of course, despite the anonymous nature of the survey, quite a few might have lied. Nevertheless, wethinks the remaining 97.1% should at least try a joint in this supposedly exciting period of their lives. Even Obama did it and look what he turned out to be.
Further interesting info is revealed when the types of drugs most commonly used are discussed. It seems the most popular drugs in primary school are paint thinners and cough medicine (kudos for our creative youngsters). Our secondary school teens of course like ketamine and cannabis. And our uni boys and girls enjoy weed as well, plus XTC. To put matters into perspective: 47% of Grade 12 students in the U.S. have experience with drugs, mostly of the ’softer’ kind. Regarding hard drugs, well, apparently 16.2% of ALL adults in the U.S. have used cocaine at least once. We still have a long way to go Hong Kong.
What could be more appropriate as a topic for TDS on the first Monday of 2010 than the dangers of the internet? From the 1998 website of the Standard we were able to receive Hong Kong Family Welfare Society senior manager Eunis Vu Kit-teng’s wisdom on the virtual world this morning (page 5). Traps for kids include cyberbullying, privacy violations, compensated dating, prostitution and drugs. Gone are the days that surfing could merely result in online game addiction! Nowadays our youngsters run the risk of a (psychological) ketamine addiction which can only be funded through compensated dating, all because of the evil web.
The story in the Standard features a tragic example, as a woman surnamed Chiu got nightmares due to cyberbullies: “I was deeply troubled by the attacks. I even had nightmares in which I came under attack in online forums even after I was dead.”
That’s right reader. There is only one thing worse than cyberbullying, and that’s post-mortem cyberbullying.
Miss Vu urges parents to pay more attention to their children’s online activities and needs. Their needs ey? Indeed mum, if only you had increased kikimushr00m’s allowance she wouldn’t have resorted to such measures. Responsible as we are, we’ll throw in a recommendation as well: block thedarkside.hk on ALL computers at home, NOW. 2010 promises to be an excellent year for anything related to drugs, prostitution and gambling, whereas there are still plenty of douche bags, socialites and politicians to make fun of - which could give your offspring all sorts of ideas. We warned you. No? Alright then. Girls, here’s a tip from our (wet) dream girl of 2009, Chrissie Chau. Wanna be as skinny as her? Easy, just don’t eat - all day long. Courtesy of our cnngo.com friends.
It’s no surprise that the internet is causing many relationships to go south. With the constant ability to distract yourself, there is the omnipresent ability to procrastinate. Not just work or duty, but also with regard to love and booty. In our beloved Maotherland China, University professor Chen became addicted to his internet vice of…. farming. Something not uncommon to most of us, judging from the popularity of retarded Facebook application Farmville among Hong Kongers. Offended? Go adopt a lost cow and you’ll feel better.
Anyway.. uneventful as Chen’s addiction may seem, the man had set his entire daily routine to his virtual farm. We have all had that great idea that keeps us up at night, but after a few dozen beers it usually goes away. Chen on the other hand literally dreams of his farm and has actually been heard by his wife when speaking about his grape harvesting schedule during sleep. Crazy? Not yet.
Mrs. Chen, wife of the year, turned into a 3-year old and began what she describes as a fired up fight. In typical fashion this meant blocking his access to the computer so he wouldn’t make his intricate farming schedule. Taking away a man’s vice is grounds for punishment in most societies, but in this case the Mr. was the victim. In a rare feat of superwoman strength, Mrs Chen kicked the computer over, grabbed and lit newspapers on fire with intent of major destruction. The result? Freaking the shit out of their young child, also acting like a 3-year old (partially because he is one). The child’s crying made both über parents come to their senses and put out the fire before the house was destroyed. The parent’s give credit to the child for saving the house, seems Jr. Chen was the mature one this time.
The moral? Harvest your crops at the office instead. Something Chen wisely did at 5 am the next morning.
The mistrust and dishonesty within Hong Kong families helps spur on small businesses of all kinds. Yesterday it was reported that private investigators are being hired to spy on the kids of many middle class families to check whether they’re doing drugs. What lucky age group and gender gets this special attention? 15-19 year old girls… As if the creepers in Hong Kong weren’t already looking, now a professional is getting paid to video tape underage girls.
Families are shelling out up to HKD 3.000 a DAY to have ex-con cops follow their children and make sure they aren’t doing drugs. Hong Kong has seen around 2,400 new drug users to date in 2009, and over 600 arrests so far. To put this in perspective, on Manhattan Island NYC, the closest crime statistic (by number) is murder and rape. Hence, kids caught snorting ketamine, smoking hash and chugging Robitussin is fewer in numbers than the big nasty felonies on an island in the U.S. with 1.7 million inhabitants. And yes, of course HK is very different from the States.. but aren’t we a bit too fussy about this whole drug ‘problem’ in this town?
69% of students polled in our schools lack knowledge of drugs, meaning that a majority of students wouldn’t know weed from grass, K from E or Coke from Pepsi. Either that or they would just snort themselves to death on ketamine, thinking 2 meter lines are a-ok. Hey parents, we understand you’re concerned about little Apple, Sweety or Pinky, but perhaps you can try talking to your kid instead of spying on them? And while you’re at it with your 15-19 year old girl, you might as well tell her that that a HKD 200 blowjob is way below market price.
Recently you have probably heard and read many stories about the increase in use of Ketamine by our youth. This development has prompted the government to start a series of random drug tests at our schools, despite growing opposition and concerns about privacy laws being breached. Your opinion on the matter is of course entirely up to you. To address the seriousness of the situation however, you can find a video below of a Hong Kong girl who decided to enter a Ketamine snorting contest, supposedly across the border in China. If you’re thinking ‘holy shit, this isn’t gonna end well’, you’re a smart cookie. The girl is reported to have passed out and died at the hospital that same evening.
As HK magazine stated this week, spousal abuse cases are on the rise in Hong Kong. Now, as we’re all fans of beloved wife beaters, it’s a bit different in our city. In this case, men are the victims however the numbers revealed aren’t a true reflection of how many men are actually being abused as their pride holds them back from reporting it. The reported abuse includes:
1. Sleep deprivation – from all the hot sex.
2. Imprisonment in their flat- I was always under the impression that Hong Kongers “worked” such long hours so that they wouldn’t have to go home?
3. Constant nagging – try giving her a quick cock smack in the face and see if the nagging stops…maybe you can kill two birds with one stone (refer to problem 1) and as her jaw drops you may finally be able to get it in there! (Just a suggestion)
Women like to push the limits, as we nag we try to see how much of your soul we can chisel away before you grab your balls and say “enough is enough”. Sometimes a swift backhand is just what you need to send the message across. Furthermore, you’d be amazed at how a bit of violence can instantly restore your pride. I assert that the women of HK need to be put in their place. If you don’t set the limits, they’ll walk all over you.
You are a man at risk of abuse if you:
a) Carry your woman’s handbag in public (definitely worried about their pride)
b) Live in a decrepit flat because all your hard-earned money goes to Louis Vuitton and Gucci
c) Have a haircut like this (in which case…well, you deserve it)
So, men of HK unite! It’s time to put your foot down and smack your bitch up!
Yikes. Apparently us humanoids are able to die in our sleep from spooky dreams. At least, according to Chinese officials from Jiujiang who claimed recently that electrical cable thief Li Wenyan died from a dreadful nightmare whilst in custody. The odd bruises on his face were of course in no way related to the healthy 50-year old’s death.
Yesterday SCMP reported that this is now the fifth public case linked to custodial abuse in the last two months. The real number is of course likely to be much higher, but we can’t deny that the explanations by Chinese officials for the deaths of some of these inmates are quite creative. Li Qiaoming from Yunnan for example, allegedly died from a game of ‘hide and seek’ approximately two months ago, although later evidence actually pointed to a game of ‘beat to death.’
