Yes, there is something very wrong and very intriguing about that title. But you know we do this for you, dear reader. You work hard and you are disheartened by a constant barrage of bad news. You worry about your money and the economy. You’ve become weary of the ever more frequent reports of swan dives from Hong Kong high rises. You wonder when, if ever, China will get its shit together and simply allow democracy to flourish in Hong Kong. We get it.
As life is hard enough as it is, just sit back and enjoy this amazing trick by a girl who has undoubtedly trained years to master it. You’re worth it:
Today’s creative TDS theme is “boobs.” So as a general service announcement to all our readers – especially the ladies – we would like to inform you of a new product set to hit the market: the Nipple Bra. Not entirely new, but at least this appears to be a cheaper version. For the more discerning woman, who recognizes the value of being in full salute at all times, this may be the bra for you. If you want attention from your boss, guys at work (or girls at work) you got it. You no longer need icy aircon blasts to flash your headlights. So be ready to stand out in the crowd even during the hottest of Hong Kong heat waves with these great piece of underwear:
Oh by the way, we think your new nipples would look excellent underneath one of these t-shirts…
And so the guys don’t feel left out with today’s theme: bra unhooking competitions! Count on team TDS to keep you posted… 8 bra’s in 21.8 seconds.. psshh.
Let us introduce you to local cutie Isis Lee. Isis was dumped several months ago and now has something to say to her ex-boyfriend. For non-Canto speakers, a translation of the best bits can be found below. Hoax, advertisement or real, we say from 0:41 onwards it’s all worth it. ZIP!
“Ng ga ching, you cheap bastard! Before you got me, you did whatever I asked of you. After you got me, we had to go Dutch on everything. Ok, that was still fine, but then you started complaining that my tits are AA cups and too small! And you dumped me because of that?”
“Today, 3 months after we broke up, I want to show you something. Now, take a good look, I have a C cup! Don’t you regret dumping me now? And I bet you want to do me again, right? But sorry, you don’t stand a chance anymore. I won’t see you again and I will NEVER let you touch my C’s.”
“Ng Ga Ching, you could say I’m a bitch or that I have princess syndrome, but whatever it is, you can never say that I am small again. Look at them, they are C’s! You don’t even have a C on your school certificate.”
An age old wisdom of course, but last night our *kuch* trendsetting siblings in Singapore made it official with a great new clubbing concept: “Fill My Cups.” The essence? The greater a girl’s cans, the more free alcohol she gets. A set of A-cups got a girl one free drink, B-cups two, C-cups three, and D-cups got away with an entire bottle of vodka.
The venue that came up with this idea is called OverEasy and they figured it would be appropriate as their guest deejay was an Australian who goes by the name of DJ DCUP. Now you may wonder how the correct cup size was established. Well, a panel of two judges, one lucky fella and a female lawyer (?) simply guessed it, without touching. We’re curious if the Israeli bombshell -appropriately named- Bar Rafaeli paid the venue a little visit, as she appears to like our region. We reckon the 2009 Sports Illustrated cover girl (kinda NSFW) would have left the venue rather drunk.
Most people know average cup sizes have been growing on a global scale over the past few decades, some say due to the increase of hormones in our food. So what about Hongkers? Average cup size in Asia appears to be a C nowadays, but not (yet) here. According to this study, current average size in our town amounts to a 34B (as opposed to 34A in the 80s). So HK bars, what are you waiting for?? Our own Harbour Hussy can’t wait:
Done hiking, cleaning the graves of your ancestors and burning them paper cash? Good, then it’s time for the more important things in life again. Let us present to you Yao Yao (or better known in Cantonese as Yiu Yiu)! Ahhh yes, another ridiculous music video exploiting the child-like qualities of Asian women and making us feel ashamed for getting that funny feeling down below when we watch it. Our newest Leng-mo (Cantonese slang for pseudo models, “mo” meaning “model” – Canto Lesson #1 compliments of the Dark Side) might soon be giving our beloved Chrissie a run for her money:
In her corner she has a tragic story from which she rose and overcame, with the help of her huge knockers. When her father passed away two years ago, Yao Yao saw an opportunity to finally use her breasts as her golden ticket to fame.
Yao Yao confirms the stereotype that Taiwanese women are cuter and have bigger tits than other Asian women, something we already knew through our recent thorough research. Still not convinced? In your face. It also helps that in her new music video, the chorus boasts the lyrics “Du Du Du Du Du Lu”, which seems frighteningly similar to the Cantonese word “Diu” meaning “Fuck” (Canto lesson #2, compliments of the Dark Side). Coincidence? We think not! Lyrics of “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck…” complemented by Yao Yao jumping on her bed in her underwear indeed make a killer combo if you’d ask us. Her father would be so proud, God rest his soul.
As unapologetically ashamed as you may feel for jerking off to this video, don’t be – Yao Yao’s success has supported her entire family, including her two siblings in primary school. But as heart-warming as this is, we all know there is a certain controversy with these pseudo models and the issue of female exploitation. So, here at the Dark Side, we’d like to take a stand against Asian female exploitation to redeem Yao Yao’s reputation and stolen innocence here, here, here and here. She has become quite a success and perhaps it’s not a product of her bountiful endowment but rather a testament to the songbird quality of her voice. In a terrible English translation, she is described as the perfect model for video games “with the so-called “Tong Yan Boobs” characteristics Yao Yao that, with beautiful appearance, fluency of the mouth…”
Stop the presses! Solid research by lingerie manufacturers has revealed that Aussie boobies keep on growing and growing and growing. As much as 40% of Australian women are nowadays forced to purchase bras in cup size DD or higher. Sales in Down Under of DD bras now represent 28% of total sales, up from 20% only 5 years ago.
Although obesity is considered a major contributor here, contraceptive pills and artificial hormones are also to ‘blame’. Indeed breast sizes are increasing globally (even in Hong Kong and China guys. Not kidding), leading to more breast reduction procedures as well. Oh, and should you think that’s a chick thing, think again.
Perceptive island dwellers have of course spotted the impressive features of some Australian women in Hong Kong already. Girls here.
